John Dies at the End

This will be my second time reviewing John Dies at the End. In total however, I've seen it three times.  It's exactly the sort of offbeat sci-fi horror/comedy that's impossible to resist. It's about two buddies, Dave and John, who come into contact with this new edgy drug called the 'soy sauce'. Little do they know it'll open their eyes to a big interdimensional war full of creatures and mysterious beings. This is a great setup for a movie. Based on a 'biographical' book by "David Wong" (re-emphasizes with air quotes)  which I have not read yet, I can only assume plenty of the book was chopped out.

  Not to say John Dies isn't a good movie and all, it's good in it's own special way. It's ballsy. It's crude, unique, outrageous, and adventurous, the likes of which genre sci-fi doesn't see enough of. So it's very easy for me to recommend this movie and support it as much as possible, because it's something of a rarity. Albeit an enjoyable one too. The cast is peppered with really good and well known actors, including the likes of Paul Giamatti (who's totally loving every second of this), Clancy Brown, and the amazing Doug Jones. The two leads however, Dave and John, are played by relative newcomers Chase Williamson and Rob Mayes, respectively.

Although Williamson is the anchor for the audience and actually really fun to watch as he plays Dave, who shuffles through the movie with a bewildered daze, it's truly Rob Mayes who steals the show as the incorrigible and undeniably fun, John.  The dynamic between Dave and John is perfect, and Williamson and Mayes really sell it. Their performances aren't bulletproof however. Specifically Williamson's, but when he gets it right, he really gets it right.  Mayes is the total scene stealer though, turning in an energetic and inspired turn, on what could've been a painfully cliche role. John is like that one guy we all seem to know, unreliable yet irresistible  Wild and wacky, yet oft drunk or high. As Dave recalls, he never guessed John would be the one to bring about the end of the world.  Neither would I. 

  John Dies at the End has some serious issues to is. Character arcs range from underdeveloped to outright butchered, seemingly left mostly on the cutting room floor. There's so much unexplained that you kinda have to let the logic Nazi in your head take a backseat whilst watching this in order to fully enjoy it. Shit happens out of nowhere sometimes and if an explanation is given, it's a very fleeting one. The thing about it I found to be okay was that, the flaws kinda work with the tone of the movie. It's such an unexpected and random experience already, that these logic gaps and glaring continuity errors almost feel truer to the "I don't know what the hell is going on!" mindframe that Dave has through the entire movie. Not to say they're excusable, or that they 'enhance' the experience, like film grain to grindhouse. Not at all. They're sloppy mistakes, or their signs of rushed production, or shoddy editing or any one of the above... but they don't ruin the experience for you. They certainly didn't for me.

  In a movie where all of the raw meat in a freezer comes to life and assembles itself as a fully sentient monster... and where door knobs can turn into dangling male genitalia to discourage escape... logic gaps and continuity errors probably won't be upsetting the movie for you. It's so bat-shit crazy off the wall to begin with, that these errors for me were mostly noticed in retrospect, or upon repeat viewing.  It's also a serious tragedy that Doug Jones had maybe 4 total minutes of screentime. His name alone could be a serious selling point to many potential viewers who will be woefully disappointed to see the actor almost entirely wasted in a short and peripheral role that honestly only exists to move the plot forward. Sad. Alas, the movie is totally fun. Full of gross out humor, grade-A gore, and wildly imaginative sci-fi trappings. It's quite an action packed little endeavor and it gets a full recommendation from me

Big Trouble in Little China

  So this is a personal favorite John Carpenter movie starring Kurt Russell as the iconic Jack Burton. Jack and his buddy Wang Chi get mixed up in big adventure and serious trouble when in their efforts to rescue Wang's beautiful fiancee from some local thugs, they stumble onto a mysterious supernatural battle in the grimy alleyways of Chinatown. It's a thrill a minute movie set up like an arcade game. Each set piece plays like a video game level in a retro sidescroller full of non-stop action.

  This is one of those movies that I like to say puts the magic back into a Saturday matinee.  It's funny and exciting and well made. It's just the right blend of comedy and action. The comedy is hilarious, and the action is gleefully over-the-top. This movie is a roller coaster ride full of mystic thunder gods, big all out kung-fu gang wars, truck chases, underground lairs, shootouts, fist fights, sword fights, creepy monsters, cool special effects, Chinese black magic and lots of iconic one-liners. Kurt Russell is awesome as Jack Burton. He's this scuzzy truck driver, but charismatic and a hero at heart. Even if he claims he's only there cause he wants his truck back...

  His intrepid sidekick, Wang Chi is this irresistibly energetic, high-kicking, character who has perfect chemistry with Jack. They're like Han Solo and Chewbacca. Kirk and Spock.  Sherlock and Watson. You can't separate em, and you wouldn't want to even if you could. It also dons on me that Big Trouble is not unlike an old school, side-scrolling, beat-em-up video game. This is arcade room gold. You play a rough-and-tumble truck driver who only wants his truck back, but ends up having to rescue the damsel in distress. Stage one? Chinatown wars- boss battle? Thunder gods! It's so much fun, and so crazy.

  It definitely has an old school comic book/video game vibe, and that's never a bad thing. From the music, to the vibrant colors, pacing, and beyond. This movie is a big ball of non-stop fun. Even it's sense of humor matches the zaniness of the rest of it. The hero saves the day with lipstick smudged on his face from the obligatory kiss he got once he rescued the girl. It's silly, but it works and it makes me smile. As you might have gathered, the acting in this movie is unapologetically melodramatic, but it fits the overall tone. Not to mention the pacing is so breakneck you could care less.

   The movie only stops every so often to provide the clueless Jack Burton with some fleeting answers to his bewildered questioning as to "Just what the hell is going on?", which conveniently advances the story and provides some exposition, and then again so the heroes can briefly plot their next move. This isn't such a bad move, since the movie feels practically animated in it's energy. There's no time to stop, a girl's life is on the line! Thus the movie plays to the urgency of a kidnapped damsel in distress, there's no time to do anything except... well... save the day- and, watching them save the day is a blast when they're pitted against the mystical Chinese underworld populated with sorcerers and demons. Great movie. Great fun. Classic.
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Zombies!

  I've been playing a lot of Resident Evil 3 lately. Which is still quite the classic, and it's made me to want to watch some more zombie flicks. Having seen all but the most recent Resident Evil movie, it was safe to say I should expose myself to a better breed of zombie flick.  I'd already seen the original Night of the Living Dead when I was in grade school at a friend's sleepover. It truly scared me shitless. It put me off everything 'zombie' related for a while. Fortunately, that was grade school; an eternity ago. Now bring on the scares and gore, and Dawn of the Dead did just that.

  I was hoping for something intense and bloody. I was in for a treat. Dawn jumps right into it. It's hectic and bloody opening sets the tone for the rest of the movie. Only letting up around the midway mark, Dawn of the Dead is a horror roller coaster that has stood the test of time and become something of a titan in the genre.  The gore effects are awesome. You won't be disappointed. Some of it made me cringe actually. In the good way. I think my only complaint is how standard the zombies themselves look. Though I might be spoiled by modern zombie effects, these zombies look like people. Grey skinned people. No blood and disfigured faces of any kind. But alas, they still remain effective enough to be scary at times and elevate the tension to an immense level.

  It was quite a fun movie to watch, and I was in for a whole world of awesome by the climax. Which was a massive battle royale between zombies, a small army of bikers and our band of intrepid heroes. It's pretty glorious to watch the chaos and carnage unfold.  Also what kinda took me off guard was the sense of humor. Wasn't expecting it to have one at all; but it does, and it fits well into the movie.  Much in the way Zombieland was. Though this adheres to Romero's rule that "Dead things don't run." it was still quite tense and effective in how they found clever ways to crank up the suspense to nail biting levels.  The movie isn't perfect, there's some mild bits of pacing issues and general stupidity, but overall it was a damn good flick that's worth watching beyond a shadow of a doubt.
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  This remake helmed by geek favorite Zack Snyder proves to be an effective remake even if it is inferior to the original.  It provides what the original didn't. More vicious looking and bloodier zombies, tighter editing, and a relatable modern setting. Unfortunately, it doesn't go much further beyond that. It introduces some truly unique and interesting concepts, like the unborn zombie baby, the fact animals wouldn't be craved by zombies (which I didn't really like) and little things like that. Some great. Some not.
Dawn of the Dead's pace is so breakneck and sudden that our protagonists exist merely as placeholders. We're expected to care about these people on principal. However the movie also makes clear cut human antagonists. So these people are good cause they're nice, and that guy we want dead cause he's an asshole.
That formula... doesn't gel for me. It's so cliche.

  Furthermore, there's some conflict of character logic, and a smidge of shoddy acting, but overall this remake is very well made and fun to watch. It's a decent zombie action/horror movie that stands head and shoulders above others of it's kind. Ving Rhames easily is the most undeniably watchable person here. He's simply so badass and cool that you can't help but like him. He gets the best lines and the best moments, and he's a pleasure to watch and makes the movie for me personally. It's not really fun spending time with these characters. Unlike the original Dawn, where it was indeed a blast. I'm not trying to knock the movie that badly. I don't want it to sound like that.  However it is inferior to the original. Not VASTLY inferior, not slightly inferior. It's the difference between great and good. It's good. Whereas the original was great.
If you keep your expectations in check you can have lots of fun with this movie.  I know I did. I just wasn't blown away.

  It's very competently directed, they obviously had a good appreciation for the original, to the point of even snagging some chuckle worthy cameos from some of the original cast members. Overall I did enjoy it. I do suppose though that's all there is to this unfortunately one-note experience.
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  This french language horror thriller is quite over the top in a deliciously bloody way. The acting is solid for the most part, and the zombies are cool and vicious and the setting is decent. Overall, it's a very serviceable flick. And for what it's worth, I liked it better than Dawn of the Dead remake. It's certainly more unique.
Not the most original flick ever, but certainly a badass popcorn flick. The Horde is very well made, and very well acting. This is it's strength actually. It's not wholly 100% original. However the things it borrows from other zombie movies, it actually does just as well if not better. Trapped in a high rise building... zombies swarming the whole place... etc etc. It works here. Very well.

  Also, the killing here is awesome. Some truly badass scenes. Very memorable stuff, especially from Eriq Ebouaney. He single-handedly made this movie to me. His on-screen presence was astounding. He exudes control and leadership in his amazing performance here. I almost didn't care about the "good guys" because either they were all straight-up douchebags, or just bland as fuck. A few of them get neat scenes in the last act but nothing that fully justified their blandness. Unfortunate. But alas, the secondary characters are very fun to watch even if they tend to overact alot.  In general, The Horde is a mixed bag. Not drastically so though. Some characters are shit. Some are awesome. Some parts are bland, and others awesome.

  Fortunately, the good outweighs the bad, even if it is by a slim margin. Thus I do heartily recommend this movie, because I feel it was definitely worth my time.

The 36th Chamber of Shaolin

  There's much to love in this Shaw Bros. classic. For one, it's really really well made. The story may be threadbare simple, but that's better for this type of movie than over-complicating the hell out of it. You can follow what's going on and why. Which is a big plus for an old kung-fu flick. The 36th Chamber of Shaolin is truly fun. But it's not one huge long fight scene. Nor is it one big fight after the next. It's really about  one man's quest to learn kung-fu to help others defend themselves and fight against a cruel and sadistic military regime.

  The training sequences are the heart of this movie, much like the Rocky franchise. Except, in this movie, they're also the entire main focus. Most of the screen-time is devoted to his learning Shaolin martial arts. Which is incredibly entertaining anyways. Watching him persevere through insanely trying tests and rigorous exercises is more fun than one might think. Even if it already sounds fun. It's very creative and inventive. It's also clear where so many films copied from it. But this is truly the granddaddy Shaolin flick of em all. In a movie clocking in at nearly two solid hours, there's not one moment of boredom.

 The movie zips along at a brisk pace, delivering impressively choreographed fights and duels that wouldn't even look outdated by today's standard. Also worth noting is the suberb editing clever scene transitions. They're never more than hard cuts, but they're synchronized using neat placement of sound effects and camera framing. This links the two scenes in a really cool way that keeps the momentum moving forward.

Unfortunately, the very last act seems rushed and is rather choppy. Also, at some points in the movie, the acting can be face-palmingly melodramatic, even for the era. Then, there is some occasional spotty acting regardless, but overall, the acting is good and I have no serious complaints. The movie is infectiously entertaining and irresistibly fun.

  It's definitely a genre classic, and a damn good flick in it's own right. I can't recommend it enough.

Bad Taste

  I'm no stranger to pre-Lord of the Rings Peter Jackson. I watched Dead Alive (a.k.a. Braindead) and I loved it. Bad Taste is like, even more low budget. Which may actually turn off some viewers. I must insist, give it time. It may look terribly boring and cheap at first, but give it time. It gets better by the minute. It'll have you grossed out in no time at all. Which is a good thing. When low budget gore, that actually looks fake, still manages to be gross and effective,  I happen to love it. And that's what Bad Taste is. Gross and effective. And also a hell of alot of fun.

  Aliens have landed, they can look like us, and they find human flesh and organs to be delicious... when regurgitated and prepared right apparently... Yes. That says 'regurgitated'. Yep. So it's up to a hapless band of... alien... fighter... guys? To grab their walkie talkies, their ski masks, their machine guns, and their endless supply of bullets, stop the aliens from turning Humans into galactic fast food, kill them all, and generally save the day. The movie gets more fun as it goes on. It's just wonderful by the end. And by wonderful I mean, shootouts that seem to go on and on, aliens running amok, explosions, gore galore, and plenty of good clean fun overall. Hah.

  I can't say any of this looks specifically -well made-. Modern audiences, spoiled with CGI, may just see a cheap looking old movie. But when you consider when it was made, and how much they had to make it, it's rather impressive! And that, for me, is where alot of the fun lies. I can't resist wondering exactly how they pulled off each bloody effect. Some are obvious, some, not so much. It's really fun. I suggest Bad Taste if it's your kind of movie. It's really not for everyone. Some may be turned off by the extreme gross factor, and others may simply be unable to appreciate it. But for those who can, ther's a bloody good time to be had.

Django Unchained

  Hot damn. Quentin Tarantino has done it again. He's crafted a popcorn movie that sizzles with passion and raw entertainment, but this time also has some emotional heft to it. People hate slavery, and they love heroes with a cause, and what better than to have a black hero freed from slavery to get back at his oppressors and save his wife from a cruel plantation owner? Now that... is a movie.

  I've been looking forward to Django Unchained on principle alone since it was announced. A Tarantino western? Hell yes. And even with sky high expectations, I was NOT disappointed. The movie has a special energy to it. It's electrifying, and fundamentally entertaining. Also before I get any further into the review, I want to address the use of the word "nigger". Well, mainly I want to address people bitching about it. Okay, grow up. Seriously. It's the racist south. In slavery days. What did you expect them to call black people? African Americans? Right... cause that's totally plausible. And, bitching about the violence? It's a QT movie. Seriously. Anyways...

  'Satisfying' is the word I'm looking for. Django is a satisfying movie. It's a big action packed western with a good solid hero and he has incredible on screen presence. You instantly root for this guy. For a hero to be so instantly endeared to the audience is rare. Foxx doesn't betray this either. His performance is spot on. He provides a sympathetic character who can dole out fantastic lines and kick all kinds of ass.  His bounty hunting partner, played by Christophe Waltz is awesome as always. I think it's impossible not to like this guy. In any movie. Hero or villain. He provides many a laugh in the movie. But it's well done. Did you expect anything less from QT? The movie definitely has it's fair share of laugh out loud humor, and it's well placed. In a pretty bloody movie, dealing with such a grim subject, humor is definitely needed, and delivered.

  So, pretty much Django is a superhero. But not in the flashy boots, mask, and cape sense. In the sense that he's an unstoppable force in this movie. He blazes through the flick, wasting bad guys, escaping from tight spots, getting into massively bloody shootouts and basically being amazing. Instead of being silly, it's just super damn fun to watch. With a sizzling soundtrack, and trademark QT dialog (which isn't his best, but still really damn good. Not great. But really damn good.) Django Unchained is a must see. Some may not be able to stomach it, but I'm not going to withhold my full on recommendation on account of the bluntness of the movie. Both in violence and reality.

  These are just first thoughts. I may have more to say about it when it's not 7:30 in the morning. Yikes. Oh. And the original Django, Franco Nero, has a cameo. Sweet. I'm so proud that I caught it. Now I want to go watch the very original flick. I think I might just do that. Tomorrow of course. Or... later? Whatever. Great movie. All around. See it.

Triple Feature

  Nothing quite like this movie. The closest I can come is to say... it's like... Evil Dead 2 meets Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. And even that doesn't come close enough. It's impossible to spoil this movie for anyone. Not because it's so good they'll like it regardless, but telling anyone ANYTHING about what's in the movie is not going to make ANY kind of sense unless they've sat through it themselves. Much like the also awesome Detention, John Dies' is simply off the wall. It's protagonists are incredibly likable too. So it's fun to watch them trip through alternate dimensions, get high on reality-bending drugs, fight evil creatures, and save the universe. It's a fantastically warped, hilarious, scary, and gory adventure of a movie that crackles with a unique energy all it's own.
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  Headhunters is a fantastic thriller that will keep catching you off guard and surprising you throughout. I don't feel much like dwelling on the fact it's a foreign movie. I think people get hung up on that. I saw a man at a local video rental store get pissed off because the movie he was going to rent was foreign. Wh... I detest that logic. If you can even call it that. Headhunters is akin to The Fugitive, paired with the kinetic energy of The Bourne Identity, but with an angle all it's own. I've seen it twice, and both times it's just as thrilling. It has a bit of pacing issues that are much more apparent upon a second viewing, but it's so engaging and mysterious to keep me coming back for more. The intensity of this movie is palpable, and it's edge of your seat, visceral thrills are amazing. Thrills that are quite in fact, scarce in most Hollywood thrillers being churned out these days. Not one to miss.
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  Pontypool is an excellent horror movie with none of the usual cliches that accompany them. I have less to say about this one than the others because saying just one little thing, can be too much and that can spoil it. Pontypool is a blazing work of creepy originality. It has personality, and is truly unnerving. It plays with horror conventions and turns em on their ear, and in the process gives us a true treat of a movie. Some may say it has pacing issues. I however disagree, it has set the pace it means to. I really recommend it!

Skyfall

  Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a pretty good James Bond fan.  I can list all the actors who ever played 007. Including David Niven and the guy who played Jimmy Bond in the black and white TV movie before Dr.No was ever made. I'd say I'm a fan.  I've not seen all the Bond movies, but I've seen at least one from each guy and I've seen enough to know Connery and Craig are the best. Hands down.

(my opinion, maybe not yours, but at least you'll see where this review is coming from)

  I love classic 007.  The classiness of it, even when being provocative there was a subtle sophistication to it.  Not to mention there were things you looked forward to seeing, the banter between Bond and Moneypenny, his exchanges with M. So on and so forth.  People keep saying the huge changeover was when Craig took up the mantle in 2006 with the fantastic Casino Royale. However I think the first big change, to me, was Brosnan's debut with Goldeneye.  Almost any Bond fan, hardcore or casual will tell you that Goldeneye is in their top five 007 movies ever.  It also marks the debut of Judi Dench as the eponymous 'M'.  Brosnan's stint as Bond started out really strong, but quickly descended into levels of camp even the Roger Moore movies never reached.  Bond tropes became Bond cliche's.  The whole franchise was tired and groaning at it's own in-jokes so much so that the final Brosnan movie felt like a big joke itself.

  Why am I bringing all this up again when reviews covered the same stuff with the past two Daniel Craig 007 outings? Because I believe Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace started by changed things for the better, but Skyfall sealed the deal in a big way.  But as a character and as a franchise Bond is essentially and finally, reset in a way I don't think many saw coming. And it's very, very welcome.  Casino Royale showed us that Bond is a human being, as if it was showing that everyone's favorite womanizing, martini sipping, super spy had actual feelings and a dark side as well.  It also showed that a Bond movie can be gritty and intense and literally violent and still be a damn good Bond movie. And that IS what it is.  At it's core, Casino Royale is possibly truer to what 007 was meant to be than more than seventy percent of the movies before it. And I'm being generous with that figure as I personally would love to say ninety percent.

  Quantum of Solace was a drastic mistep. It's not a horrible movie, and far from the worst in the franchise, FAR, but it pales in comparison to it's immediate predecessor. I won't go too much into it as the most notable thing that can be said about it is that it wraps up the Vesper Lynd story explored through the previous movie.  'Solace was merely wrapping up Casino Royale, but did so in a pretty underwhelming way.  Due in no small part I'm guessing to that nasty writer's strike. Oh well. Moving right along.

After that, Bond's future as a film franchise was thrown into jeopardy with the financial uncertainty of MGM's own future as well.  After a very long wait for fans and casual audiences alike,  Skyfall was finally announced as MGM got back on solid footing.  Everyone was wondering whether this would be the nail in the coffin for Craig's stint as Commander Bond.  After Quantum of Solace... that wouldn't be too hard.  It wouldn't have been all that difficult to convince audiences that Casino Royale was lightning in a bottle and lightning doesn't strike the same place twice. All that. All it would've taken was another mistep...

  Getting to it finally, I'm telling you that's not the case with this one.  Skyfall is a return to form on SO many levels.  Firstly it shows that Daniel Craig is still amazing as James Bond and that in some meta way as Bond himself is recovering from a life altering skirmish in the thrilling opening sequence that left him to be declared dead as he quietly disappeared into the background of things, Daniel Craig is slipping back into a proper Bond movie after the unfortunate slip up with Quantum of Solace. Bond is finding his rhythm again. And it's so fun to watch.  You can't judge a Bond movie entirely on action sequences, beautiful women and exotic locale alone.  If that was the case... Quantum of Solace might have been hailed as the best bond movie ever. But seeing as how it's not the case entirely, you need things like character development and a good story and all these kinds of things.  Skyfall does this well. Right away it hands Bond with a whole heap of issues to deal with. Being dead. Feeling betrayed. And even more than that, it deals with the notion of getting old.  Is something no longer useful as it becomes 'outdated'? These themes are important and are obviously at the core of the movie.

  It's wonderful watching the movie explore these things, and it does so quite well, especially with the villain and the story behind him as well.  He may be a bit too broad for my tastes, and the fact there's not even a simply nod that he's connected to the terrorist organization the past two movies spent so much time setting up is rather disappointing. But oh well.  Javier Bardem is simply awesome as the bad guy.  It's a good Bond villain. Not a great one. Because some things were slightly mishandled with him overall, but he's super fun to watch.  He's chewing the scenery quite well and when necessary reminds the audience that behind his joking demeanor is a truly menacing and scary individual. Him and Bond make great rivals.  And actually, despite the movie's grim subject matter, it manages to be great popcorn fun.  It has a good helping of one liners, but it knows when to dispense one properly.  It never forsakes a truly dramatic moment for the sake of a cheap chuckle. Something Bond movies had gotten comfortable doing in the past.

  This movie also delves into Bond's relationship with M. It's pretty damn close to mother and son, but there's also this professional detachment they try to keep up even though it's very clear they care deeply for each other. In many ways, this film serves as a vehicle to finally finish passing the torch from previous generations to this very new and bold one.  And at the same time, while wrapping up the past, both literally and in the story itself, the movie injects a bit of classic 007 into the fold. It's embracing the truly classic nature of Bond. Harkening back to the Connery era. This is gold, and it's so amazingly fun to watch. The grin on my face could not be shaken once they started this infusion.  And it merges so surprisingly well with the gutsy action scenes and quickfire pacing of the Craig movies. 

  This movie isn't perfect. It has issues with certain peripheral characters, who honestly didn't need to be peripheral at all.  Some of the actors in these roles are forgettable just the same. Which is sad considering one of them is the latest Bond girl. She's entirely forgettable and not a second thought is paid to her once she's summarily taken out of the movie altogether. Eva Green and the lady from Quantum of Solace were far better at this. (Yes, I'm lazy. I just avoided Googling her hard to spell name. So what.) Better actresses too. It's far from perfect, clearly. But it's so damn good all the same!  And when it ends you have this good feeling about where the franchise is going.  And it's open to so many directions. Bond's arc as introducing him to the 007 franchise, as well as reinventing it is finally complete. It is it's own beast now, and it acomplishes a part of this by bringing classic tropes into the fold in a well moderated and surprisingly effect way. It's completely thrilling. I left feeling like I had seen a truely well made and exciting James Bond movie. It was a great time at the movies and I really recommend it.

Demons

  We all have seen countless zombie movies. Dozens. We've seen fresh takes on the concept, over and over. And lest we forget the truly creative ones like Evil Dead II...
But every once in a while it doesn't hurt to try something that manages to be quite fun and creative in it's own right, even if it isn't mind blowing like some of the others.  If anything exceptional can be said about Demons, is that with the aged retro feeling, the raw nostalgia, it trumps glossy hollywood money machines like Resident Evil.  There was almost an art to making gory, jump scare movies back then.  It in itself was creative.  The method to the madness nowadays is all but gone. So is the passion. It's all about the money. Only... about the money.

  Demons has a diverse group of randomly invited people attending the nighttime grand opening of a movie theater in this castle-looking building in the city (I believe it was set in Berlin).  Not one single thing about it isn't dripping with eerieness.  Of course though, something goes wrong and before you know it everyone is trapped in the theater with people being turned into flesh eating zombies. Possesed or something I believe.  It's pretty standard fare mostly. However, plenty of the characters manage to have enough personality to be quite entertaining to watch. Our main quartet though is as cliche as they come. Their saving grace which endeared them to me as the viewer is how they manage to be like and remind me of a bevy of teenage horror heroes and heroines. Scared shitless throughout, but with enough spunk and guts to pull through and throw down.  Intentional or not, it comes across like a slight character homage. It works I suppose.

  The movie may not seem so fresh and original at first, and to be honest, at first, it isn't. But it is done exceedingly competently that it manages to be surprisingly watchable. The gore is a-plentiful and properly icky. People are bitten and ripped apart, and their transformation from person to zombie-thing (they aren't entirely zombies see...? Yeah me neither.) is pretty damn gross. It was a blast to watch.  Also isn't it kinda foreboding to be cocky in a movie like this? Has saying "THESE THINGS WILL NEVER KILL ME!" EVER turned out well for said character in a movie like this? Isn't it kind of begging for filmmakers to inject a bit of irony?  Fear not B-movie mongers, Demons has it's moment of Oh so 'clever' irony. Good job guys. That must've been real difficult yeah?

  I'm not trying to bash this movie. Really. I'm trying, if anything, to get across how damn fun it was.  Anywho. After the halfway mark, shit does indeed get crazy and then especially so towards the end.  The climax is just... awesome. The hero gets ahold of a motorcycle and a samurai sword... and through the halls and aisles of the blood stained movie theater, he rides around chopping zombies to pieces while 80's synth pop music plays awesomely.
You gotta see it to appeciate it...  and appreciate it I did. Warning though... there is a real sick twist right at the end though. And having read this, when you see the movie, you think you'll know what I'm talking about when you see a certain part at the end... but don't unpucker til the credits roll. You'll have seen it by then. It may or may not ruin the whole movie for you. It irked the hell out of me, but I still like the movie. I think it's totally fun. I recommend it entirely.

Class of Nuke 'Em High

  Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a penchant for really bad movies.  This doesn't mean I consider these movies quality cinema, or look for non-existent deep meaning in them. It simply means that gimme something quirky, violent and slimy and I'll be capable of really enjoying it. Class of Nuke 'Em High is one such movie.  It can ocassionally commit the 'bad movie' cardinal sin, which takes it from bad to awful, by simply being boring...
However, this classic Troma gem makes up for it's short stretches of mundane stuff with plenty of outrageous stuff you won't be likely to soon forget.

  The plot focuses around the misadventures of a group of teens who go to a high school which is right next door to a nuclear power plant. This is full of craziness obviously. And clearly the plant is run by idiots. Idiots. But then again, such idiots provide plenty of comic relief. Though it does jack shit for plausibility. Seriously.  There's not much to really say about this movie without addressing Troma films in general.

  They're all low budget schock fests. The comedy in them is always baseline juvenille. You won't find a more wretched hive of scum and fart jokes anywhere in the galaxy.  Seriously.  They're not mature or even intelligent. It appeals to the nasty semi-pervy sense of humor we all develop as teenagers, while also pandering to the inner kid with crazy monsters and lazers and stuff. But at the same time, the gore and nudity ensure that these are adult only outings. Or at least... supposed to be.

  Anyways, in THIS Troma flick, something toxic oozes out of the power plant contaminating the school's water supply.  It turns the honor society into punkish thugs that wouldn't look out of place in a Mad Max sequel and does horrible things to various students and teachers alike.  Our intrepid group of heroes however seem content to repeat "Something strange is going on!" like a mantra from a bad b-movie. (Oh wait...)

  Anyways, it has it's laggy moments of typical high school bullcrap, but eventually some nuclear weed shows up pushing the plot along which subsequently gives us some really cool scenes.  If there is one thing they don't skimp on budget-wise, is gore and such.  A man's fist is crammed into a man's mouth...and down his throat. This is actually a highlight of the movie. If you aren't here to get grossed out and laugh at shit for an hour and a half... why the heck are you here?

  Our heroes are nothing to write home about for the first half of the movie, but then it hits it's stride. Getting comfortable with the weirdest crap ever, our two protagonists excel in how they react to it. The fainting, the screaming, all of it is played with a spot on sense of comedic timing. Especially Janelle Brady. She's just a blast to watch. Sadly, but expectedly, none of the characters ever rise above 80's teen movie archetypes. But thankfully they are likeable enough.

  Also, there is this really cool monster at the end which looks friggin amazing. He looks so cool. It alone is worth seeing the movie for. Clearly 90% of their budget went into making this monster look badass. He's green, and scary, and obviously animatronics, but THAT is my point! He's animatronics! Not just a rubber mask! And it looks so cool, seriously!

  In closing, I have to say this movie is ocassionally boring, and frequently cliche, but, it's really really fun when it hits it's stride. It's gory, slimy, funny and stupid. If that sounds fun to you, go for it. I certainly don't regret it.

Fortress

  Seeing as how I'm a big Christopher Lambert fan from movies like The Hunted, Mortal Kombat, and, of course... Highlander, I'll pretty much get excited over anything with him in it.  More often then not though, I am rather let down.  For a man who's frequently been in the 'A list' he seems to star in enough bombs to knock him back into relative obscurity.  However, there shouldn't be anything obscure about Fortress. Thankfully, with it's slick combination of sci-fi trappings, stylized action, and gadgets galore, Fortress is a hi-tech thriller that doesn't disappoint. The prison escape genre is rarely this much fun.

OldBoy

  No stranger to asian cinema, I certainly cut my teeth on I Saw The Devil, which was amazing in it's own right, but Oldboy definitely stands apart from the crowd as a very brutal and disturbing mystery of a much higher caliber.  The synopsis alone is striking. It's about a man who's locked up and kept prisoner in a private jail for 15 years... without ever being told why. Then, without warning, released. Thus he begins a bloody search for answers that will lead him down a terrible and mysterious path. The results of which will haunt him forever.

  It's not a lightweight movie obviously. It gets progressively disturbing. But it's also impossible to look away. The movie's mystery hooks you with it's atmosphere and raw energy as this man step by step discovers that he's in a game. Someone's sick game. They're playing with him, pushing him to the brink of insanity. An argument could be made he's there already.  Which is the big appeal of this film to me personally. Despite being a big mystery thriller, it's a character drama first and foremost that deals with big themes of trust, loyalty, and most importantly of all... revenge.

   It uses symbolism as much as it does clever and creative camera tricks and angles to bring out and highlight the emotional undertones in each scene. For example, when the main character finds his way into a sushi bar, and orders a live octopus to eat raw... and watching him just bite into this living creature, it seemed like a perfect expression of his anger and frustration.

  The movie is full of unexpected scenes, ranging from shockingly violent, to surprisingly touching. It balanced all it's various tones with ease and expertise.  As the mystery slowly unfolds, you find yourself increasingly engaged, with each new twist and turn, it pulls you in farther. And as everything is revealed, piece by piece, we see the main character go through crazy things, and witness his desperate and often violent behavior.  Its quite stunning to be honest.  Everything from the music, to the framing of each shot, it all heightens the tension and the overall mood. It's an incredibly atmospheric film that also manages to use voice overs to a surprisingly effective degree. Which is pretty rare.

  The end is quite shocking, and the movie is an amazing tale about vengeance and how it can destroy lives. Some may hate the twist, but if you really think about it, there is  no other way to end it which would justify the story. It was perfectly twisted. And it will make or break your opinion of the movie. I for one loved it. As it often escapes words for me, and I'm tip toeing around the meat of what I'd normally review because once you know too much about Oldboy, it will ruin it for you. Let the premise grip you and watch it.

   Not enough movies nowadays provoke their audiences, or even evoke strong emotions. If you hate it, then so be it. If you love it, awesome. But you should see it if it has snagged your intrest. The hype isn't for nothing. It's pretty powerful. Whether you'll like how it gets there, is another story entirely. But it's akin to modern mythology and in broad strokes has the feeling of an old greek fable about revenge.  I loved it.

Dredd

  Realizing Dredd came out today, this effectively ended my posted hiatus. Being a massive fan of the British comic character, I couldn't resist catching the first possible showing of this today. It was a great decision. Many people are still recovering from 1995's Stallone action vehicle Judge Dredd.  However, it was panned by critics, despised by fans, and even failed to impress standard movie goers.  It made it's protagonist, the classic Judge Dredd, into a cartoonishly over the top (and embarassingly clad) super-cop. With massive eagle shoulder pads, and a large metal crotch protector, the coolest part (and arguable only cool part) of his ensemble was his helmet. And he only had that on for about five minutes of the movie. Which pissed off alot of fans. Let me begin the rest of the review by saying... this time, it's true...
Urban never takes off the helmet.

  This movie is sadly compared endlessly to others like Die hard or The Raid because of it's familiar plot and theme, about a skyscraper full of bad guys and only one or two good guys to fight em all.  However Dredd is it's own beast, managing to be creative and original enough to not feel like either of those movies.
From his cool looking uniform to his awesome gun, Judge Dredd shines as a character here. His methods are cold, violent, and brutal. A far cry from the cartoonishly hokey Stallone iteration.  Some may argue the movie is too violent, but I beg to differ. I think it's perfect. Spot on.  The gore and violence is over the top, but that's precisely where I want it. With so many properties being toned down, it's time we got a seriously brutal action flick.  Aside from The Raid of course... and not to mention this is how Dredd always was in the comics.  Heads explode, necks are broken, blood sprays across the screen, people are gunned down left and right... it's a bloodbath. But never dipping into extreme overkill.

  Sometimes a director finds a gimmick and exploits the hell out of it at every possible opportunity. In this case that would've been the high from a new street drug called 'Slo-mo'.  Which does quite what you might expect, it turns things into a big, vibrantly colored, slow motion, visual eye-feast from.  Colors pop and things are hyper-detailed.   It only makes sense for them to have a shootout or two while someone is tripping on Slo-Mo, that's prime for some awesome visuals. And ideed it is! It looks amazing as faces and body parts ripple and explode with splashes of bright red blood all in slow motion. It highlights, quite literally, the gruesomeness of being on the other end of Dredd's gun. Brutal.  However, the director uses this gimmick sparingly and effectively. The drug is a story point and not something gratuitously added for the sake of it's special effects. Well done guys.

  Speaking of the cast and characters, Dredd is stone cold badass. He uses just about every kind of possible ammo mode for the lawgiver. Hi-ex, rapid fire, incendiary, hotshot, and silencer mode. Also, he's a bamf even in hand to hand combat, which is just as brutal as the shootouts. Often with flinch worthy results.  You can see his outlook and tone through his violence and attitude, this is absolutely the Dredd from the comics.  And Karl Urban plays him more perfectly than I could've ever imagined. The rookie he's training over the course of a day, Rookie Anderson, is played with charm and a sympathetic twist by Olivia Thrilby.  Did I mention she's a telepath? Speaking of which, Anderson's telepathy is put to great use here. Very clever and fun to watch how she uses it. She's definitely a highlight of the movie. And a sequel wouldn't be as fun without her. Or at least, my hopes would be dashed a bit. She's a sidekick for Dredd that functions within the story, and she's a human anchor to his cold and brutal methods. She's not comic relief like the horrendous Rob Schneider was. *shudder*

  I think the antagonist, Ma Ma, (Lena Headey) has all the ingredients to be a great villain, even in the comics, and Lena Headey does a great job here... but I felt like her character should've had more to her. She seems like nothing we haven't seen before and she doesn't get an opportunity to get her hands dirty personally. Her henchmen also lack the gravitas and onscreen presence that you might've seen in The Raid from a villain like Mad Dog. In short, she's effective and gives off a sense of power and intelligence, but she hardly gets the screentime to do something TRULY memorable.  There could've been more dark humor, akin to the comics, but I think they wanted to stay in safe waters, far away the massive one liner that was Danny Cannon's Judge Dredd. Which feels much like a bad joke next to this one. However bad you thought it was before this movie, it'll seem a hundred times worse afterwards.

  In some small ways, this movie might leave hardcore fans wanting a little. I can imagine serious fans would say... "Mega City One still doesn't look like it's supposed to", or "the Lawmaster looks retarded", or stuff like that. But to be honest, when they've nailed the character and tone, the rest is irrelevant nitpicks. Also, it might be disheartening that alot of the wilder aspects of Judge Dredd from the comics, are absent here.  The mutants, the cursed earth, all that stuff is merely mentioned and not explored. But this movie serves as a decent starting point, a good set up for stuff to come.  And they don't do anything actually wrong with the property, instead they gave us a bare bones, hard hitting, cop story. Which is okay. It's better to start small, and hit big, and get a solid handle on the character and world before delving into stuff that audiences may not respond well to.  It's good that they have been exposed (or re-exposed) to a proper Judge Dredd flick before the franchise (let's hope, yeah?) takes a wilder, stronger sci-fi turn.

  All in all... the verdict on this gritty and violent reboot?
For fans it should be mandatory viewing.  Everyone else? I urge you to give it a chance. It's a slick, bloody, and polished ride. Not to be missed.

Wanted: Dead Or Alive

  'Rutger Hauer' as I was telling my friend, sounds like, and should probably be a brand name for big powerful guns.

  "Hey man, you take the Smith & Wesson, I want the Rutger Hauer."

  See? Has a damn good ring to it.  The actor himself is about as cool as any big powerful gun you could get your hands on too. Who else votes he should go into the firearms business? And name the company after himself? *raises hand* And after this movie, I don't think anyone would argue with me.

  Hauer plays a clever and well equipped L.A. Bounty Hunter named Nick Randall in pursuit of a terrorist who' wreaking havoc all over the city.  For those familiar with it, it's hard not to see a little bit of The Punisher in this character. The guns, the bleak military past, the black attire. It's pretty easy actually. Even the plot and pacing is not unlike a Punisher story, though people might relate this more to Dirty Harry even though Randall isn't a cop, the movie is swarming with police and FBI. Often seen as backbiting and manipulative, Nick knows how to swerve in and out of their control like a snake. A lot of the movie is devoted to him actually struggling with the police. Car chases, and decoys. Anything to lose the tail and keep them off his back while he blazes a trail through the criminal underworld looking for this terrorist.

  It's a pretty solid story to be honest and was quite fun to watch.  The characters themselves are surprisingly well developed, and... spoilers... it's all that more shocking when you see people get killed off you never thought would die. And it's so unexpected you might actually stare in total disbelief. I don't remember the last time a movie caught me off guard so badly.  It was a real shock.  And for this alone I can urge you to see this movie. It's well made.  And it doesn't 'Rambo' the picture up, it's at first in tone with something like 'Road House', nothing like it, but tonally they're similar, but as the movie progresses it becomes rather bleak and somber. When the movie ends, our lone hero sits on the side of the road and plays a few notes on his harmonica before the subtle musical score takes over and the movie fades to black. 

  For a rather care free movie that won't be remembered for much other than the awesome loft where Nick lives, it was suprisingly impactful.  It's not just a one note flick that tries to grab your attention with explosions bigger than alot of larger titles (i.e. Rambo, Commando, Die Hard etc.) instead it develops it's characters to a point where you care about them, and it peppers the movie with clever and legitimately cool little neat-o scenes.  For example, a scene where Randall locks a suspect in a metal cabinet and interrogates him by shooting random holes into it with a shotgun. It's played out so well, you can't help but be on the edge of your seat a little. 

   The movie really shines in these little moments of coolness, it has no need to be one long consistently loud shootout. Not until the end at least. And in whatever small measure this 80's action flick allows, it shows that the protagonist is a thinking man.  In so many movies of the time, the hero is either a complete and total everyman like John Mclane (Bruce Willis in Die Hard), or he's a steroided superman like John Matrix (Schwarzenegger in Commando) but rare is it that we get a happy medium.

  Rutger Hauer's Nick Randall has the on-screen presense and coolness of a Terminator-like badass, yet has the realistic gravitas of a more realer person with real problems and relationships. He has a best friend, and is in a steady relationship and the movie's playground battlefield, is his life. No matter how much he's shooting bad guys and breaking bones in their own houses or stopping convinience store robberies  out on the street, so to speak,  his own life more often than not is what truly falls casualty to the violent proceedings.

   For such a simple movie, there's quite alot to sink your teeth into.  Rutger Hauer brings Nick Randall to life as only he can, and the supporting cast is just as great and full of familiar faces.  I really recommend you see this movie if you want an action movie with a little more heart and brain rather than just bigger action. It knows that it's action and stuff is standard fare. The action set pieces themselves can be found bigger and better elsewhere. It's full aware of this. And this is exactly why it gave a little more love to the meat of the characters and the story. And like I've said, sprinkled exceptionally cool little moments throughout.
Very fun flick.

Matango

  Just as unfair as it is to call Galaxy of Terror an Alien knock-off, it's doubly unfair to stick Matango with the tons of cheesy late night, rubber-suit, monster flicks. In fact, it's frickin criminal.  It's such a shame because, despite some very very dated effects, Matango manages to be an effectively creepy, surprisingly atmospheric, and downright unnerving character drama.  It's one of those movies that can't be done justice by summing it up by the description on the back of the DVD case. It's so much more than it's ever been given credit for.  Wish more old monster flicks were this good.

  It starts off simply enough with an unassuming and happy-go-lucky yacht trip. A bunch of big city folks trying to 'get away from it all' out at sea. However, their fun is sorely spoiled when they get caught up in some truly nasty ass weather.  It knocks their yacht for a loop and sends them drifting off directionless towards this unknown little island. On the island, it's your typical struggle for food and basic necessities, but they find another wrecked ship and despite a mysterious air about it, they decide to hole up there for the meantime.  From the reading of the eerie log book to them exploring the wrecked ship, all of it is incredibly eerie. I vastly underestimated this movie, even after reading stellar reviews on imdb. It's actually a pretty decent horror flick that manages to be scary without any gore or anything like that.

  The characters aren't always so easy to figure out. Unfortunately, many horror movies telegraphs who the heroes are RIGHT away, which I think robs the film of tension because we don't get to see these characters actually develop under pressure and insane stress.  Obviously there's the one who cracks under said pressure, there's the turncoat, there's the damsel in distress, the femme fatale, and plenty more archetypes that are pretty much essential to horror movies.

  But Matango allows you to guess which ones are which as you watch the slow and subtle, and especially unnerving transformation of these innocent vacationers into backstabbing and vicious people who are perhaps even more scary than the creatures who lurk in the jungle.
My predictions were in fact all wrong. Which was a pleasant surprise. I like movies that keep me guessing and unravel the story before you in a clever and well timed manner. Matango does just this.

  Also worth mentioning is the atmosphere and the sets. The jungle is dense and thick with all kinds of odd growth, most notably, obviously, are the mushrooms.  It looks like a lot of care and attention to detail went into making the jungle almost a character all it's own. Also theres this dense fog through a good portion of the movie which only amps up the mysterious nature of the island. Its a terrifying experience that deals more with human nature and heavy themes like betrayal and seduction rather than just a slasher flick on an island.

The movie is actually alot more intelligent that it might seem at first glance.  If you can immerse yourself in the story, and suspend disbelief with the rubber suited mushroom people, who are actually still really well done for 1963, then I URGE you to see this movie.  It's a template for how to create tension and suspense without heavily relying on tired old cliches like modern horror movies do. It feels fresh. And considering it's from 1963... that's a massive compliment.

Galaxy of Terror

  I'm a real sucker for low budget sci-fi dreck like this. Roger Corman sci-fi.  It's either way bloodier, way funnier (always unintentionally of course), or just full of way more random spontaneous lesbian sex (see: Forbidden World) than it's source inspiration (usually Star Wars or Alien). Fun right? Of course it is! What else would film geeks like me have to do at 1 am? Sleep? Pleeeease. That's for people with a life.

  Anyways, Galaxy of Terror opens kind of awkwardly, and the high pitched electronic score is not so much scary, as intended, but rather really ridiculous and frequently annoying. In fact, I think I'll just cut to the chase. Cause I could hardly focus on the first like... ten minutes or so. This spaceship and it's reluctant crew are dispatched on a recon and rescue mission to this remote planet like... really far away. It's only logical that they get there in seconds. Totally. Cause... hyperdrive, man! The solution to every sci-fi movie's problem of getting to someplace in a galaxy far far away.  Anyway, they crash... somehow. Because of stuff. That happens. And I realize I'm not doing a great job of making it sound good.

  Okay, the sets are surprisingly well done. The matte paintings, which really crop up in the latter half, are absolutely astounding. The pacing is really decent and there's lots of B-movie awesomeness to be had here.  The story itself is alot better than it's 'Alien knock-off' reputation would have you believe.  I don't wanna spoil it for you, cause it really is quite cool. But there is plenty of gore and 'what the fuck' scenes as a result.
So gorehounds... you will be satisfied. It's not extreme like some other similar titles in the genre, but it's pretty bloody all the same.

  It's also creative and makes a legitimate effort to be original.  Sure you do actually wonder at one point if everyone modeled their suits after Luke Skywalker's bespin outfit in Empire Strikes Back, and if their spaceship was designed by the dudes who made the Nostromo from Alien...
But hey! The setting is unique, the story is unique, the plot is decent, and the core concept is actually, from what I hear, more akin to Event Horizon.

  None of that is necessarily bad, it just makes for a familiar tone.  There is a strong air of cheesiness to it, due to some subpar special effects, how nearly every character's name is unintelligible, and especially the aforementioned ridiculous score... but for B-movie fans, you'll feel right at home. Every scene seems to strandle the line between terribly corny and legitimately well done.  For every moment of decent acting or an impressive effect, it's usually countered with an equally hammy line of dialog or an especially awkward something or other.

  Despite this, it sets such a brisk pace that you'll be caught up in the jump scares and big reveals far before you even begin to dwell on the corny bits.  It does a decent job of keeping you guessing about what's really going on too.  And as the story unfolds, you're treated to loads of creatures and plenty of odd death scenes.  It's the kind of movie, with wall to wall slime, lazers, gore, and general icky things that I would've killed to see on a drive in screen with the big bucket of popcorn and a large, ice cold Coca-Cola. Good cheesy fun to be had here that's paired with some unexpectedly good sci-fi concepts. I recommend it.

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky

  Okay, yeah. Wow.  I had seen this movie on a few imdb lists for extreme gore and such, but never figured it would be like this. It's a guts & gore manga-come-to-life, it belongs next to such relentlessly bloody classics as Evil Dead II and Dead Alive, and surprisingly it's not a horror movie. No ladies and gentlemen, this is a kung-fu prison movie.

  In a "futuristic" (made in 1991, set in 2001) prison, owned by a corporation and run for profit, a young man, Ricky, is imprisoned there for killing the drug dealer that caused his girlfriend's death. Trained in a special style of Kung-Fu to the point of being superhuman, Ricky uses his freakish strength and amazing Kung-Fu skills to endure torture and brutal beatings from fellow inmates and the sadistic warden. Eventually, Ricky turns the tide and blazes a bloody trail through the movie leaving mangled corpses in his wake as he fights not only for himself, but to free everyone from the corrupt grasp of the crime riddled prison.  It's honestly a very thin plot, and his backstory is revealed entirely through flashbacks. While this isn't a problem at all, it feels like the movie could've played fine chronologically. Maybe even better.

  First of all, Siu-Wong-Fan plays Ricky with an intense level of coolness. His gaze sizzles and his onscreen presence is palpable. His acting itself can fall under question and scrutiny all the haters want, but there is no denying this guy exudes badassery.  I say the only other man in the history of chop sockey beat-em-ups who could've made an audience ignore how ridiculous punching someone's jaw clean off looks, perhaps would've been Bruce Lee himself. But Siu-Wong-Fan does an amazing job. We're so focused on his intensity, that the apparent laugh factor is gone almost entirely.  It shouldn't be wince-worthy because it's so obviously fake looking, but it IS.

   Maybe that's just me. Maybe there are more desensitized people out there who would find this movie to be a comedy instead of an action movie.  But given it's relentless pace, and continuous gore, Riki-Oh actually also manages to be creative. Granted, it's creative in an insane and bloodthirsty way that only horror movie franchises (looking at you Saw) manage to get after all story and nuance has been sucked clean out of them. It may be a sign of a failing horror franchise when the gore is more creative than the story, but in this movie, it's the bread and butter.

  People get shredded, disemboweled, exploded, and skinned. Limbs are snapped off, cut off, punched off, broken, and ground into burger. None of that... is exaggerated in the slightest. If you're a gorehound like me, you'll love the hell out of this movie.  It's not possible though, to take it seriously AT ALL.  The hero is literally way too powerful. The things he does are so far beyond belief that "bullet bending" (See: Wanted) seems plausible by comparison.  As a result of this, the movie stops trying to be serious and just goes for broke. This works most of the time, but a good example of when it doesn't is the final fight.

   It's just... too corny.  I mean, there I laughed. I couldn't help it. It was ridiculous to such a degree that it bordered on insulting.  But given as how we abandoned seriousness and plausibility like... AGES ago, one can't really complain when they get THIS for their climax.  I've seen more convincing suits on TOHO monsters. But if you don't mind that, and are in the mood for a bloody fun time, then go seek this movie out. Also worth mentioning, is how it manages to create so many interesting set pieces in just a prison.  Torture chambers galore, there is no end to Ricky's suffering, or how creative the villains manage to get in ways to inflict general pain and suffering. But noooo... fear not. Ricky makes Superman look like a 90 pound asthmatic with spaghetti noodles for arms. Step aside Goku, Ricky's way more hardcore.

  And he doesn't need to turn into a blonde to literally punch a hole in someone. Ricky withstands insane torture that involves razor blades, a metal wrench to the face (about 50 times), and even being buried alive for a week. You can see how plausibility is consistently worn down to just about... nothing. It's non-frickin-existent. Which helps some people stomach the gore. It's diametrically opposite to anything resembling 'realistic'. By the time the movie ends, you'll be about a hundreds ways smarter on how to kill someone with your bare hands if you were superhuman.  It's quite educational in that respect.

  Overall, this movie exists to be one big bloody, gory, guts-in-your-face, mess. It gradually builds up to a point where you've given up trying to explain the acts on display, let alone try to rationalize or even take serious the most mundane stuff in this movie. It's cheesier than a bad TOHO flick, and bloodier than an old Peter Jackson flick, Riki-Oh has carved out a name for itself in the annals of cult classic movies. Carved right out of some poor sap's bare flesh of course.  I loved it. You might too if you're still interested after this review.

Detention

  So many movies are simply an excercise in taking something that's already been done and doing it again, but better. Usually. Hopefully.  However, it's rare to find a movie so clever and smart and brilliant... that it takes almost everything, breaks it down into parts, and constructs it back together like a jigsaw puzzle. Make sense? Somewhat? Not really? Don't worry. It's really just that hard to describe let alone compliment Detention.

  The movie seems normal enough right away, although it opens with a girl speaking directly to the audience and using pop-up graphics to illustrate what she's saying. And this is perhaps the most average and ordinary part of the movie.  It wastes no time showing us all these characters who are your standard teenage high school archetypes. The popular kid who can't really get a good grade at all, the school bully/football jock who wants to beat up the popular kid, the blonde cheerleader,  the offbeat asian genius, the goth chick, the pervy nerd, and finally the heroine of the movie. She's actually very pretty though she's covered in this layer of misunderstood geekishness and general adolescent awkwardness. 

  She could easily be the heroine in any number of teen slasher flicks. She fits the bill. Mostly reminding me of Heather Langenkamp in a Nightmare on Elm Street, even if its just tonally.  The hero girl in this movie, Ryley, (played by Shanley Caswell) is a bit more of a tragic character than Nancy was in 'Elm Street.  We feel for her a bit more. Anyways, these are the characters the movie has to work with, plus a few I didn't mention, but every single one is important. The movie plays with them all.  I can't really say too much about the movie because it's a big and insane piece of fiction that can be classified under just about every genre ever.

  From the start it's a slasher flick, but quickly also becomes a teen comedy about school life and general angst, this is also before all the science fiction, aliens, and time-travel plotlines come into focus. It's easier to say that this movie is like Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World + Back to the Future + Cabin in the Woods. And it makes a reference to The Karate Kid, Road House, Under Siege, Robin Hood: Prince of Theives and makes nods to Freaky Friday, The Fly, Holloween, Saw, and only about a hundred other movies my brain hasn't even processed yet. It's action packed, hilariously funny, gory as all can be, romantic, and even downright scary.

  It's a genre shattering experience that needs, and begs to be seen multiple times to catch all the subtlties and everything. I personally loved it. Its a love letter to teen movies, that's written like the ULTIMATE high school movie. Everything happens in this town, at this school.  It's a horror, sci-fi, time travel, comedy, romance flick that does justice to each and every one of those categories. This is an unusually short review, but I have no clue what else to say about it that could possibly convince you to see it. The acting is great and the story is so layered and mind blowing that you should REALLY see this movie. If you take my humble advice on anything, take it on this: See this movie. As soon as possible.

Escape from the Bronx

  Well, I praised the first one in a previous review. Thought it was great. Creative, clever, action packed, silly, basically everything that you might want from a midnight B-movie.  Well, if it was at all possible... it's sequel outdid it. In friggin spades.  Right away we see something different, GUNS. The heroes use guns. And lots of them. Guns are like in style now. As opposed to the melee-heavy first movie, this movie rarely has a fight in it that doesn't involve guns or flamethrowers. And the sound effects are ridiculously powerful too. At one point a .38 snub sounds like a .50 cal handgun.  It packs a punch but isn't very realistic.
But as any fan could tell you, realism is NOT what they're shooting for.

  The story is thankfully not a total retread. Instead, this time, the movie opens with a 'Sanitization squad' "evacuating" the Bronx. Cause it's been deemed unlivable and the corporation is going to graciously provide all the residents with new homes in New Mexico. Right.  In reality the "evacuation" is brutal, residents are hurt if they resist. Shot or burnt alive if they put up a fight.  Which includes the parents of our hero, Trash (Mark Gregory).  Enraged over their death, and along with the help of some familiar faces and a few new flamboyant personalities, he sets out on a big crusade to stop the evacuation and reclaim the Bronx using any... means... necessary! Dun dun DUN!

  The premise is an effective vehicle for an hour and a half of violence and carnage. Which will undoubtedly satisfy most action fans and b-movie freaks alike.  Though without fail, there is always a crowd who will not like a movie no matter what. They complain about one flick that there's not enough action and all the action looks cheesy, and then they find a well made piece of 'trash' like this and complain that there's TOO much action. Come on. These kinds of b-grade movies aren't expected to be anything deep or even well made.

   All I expect and want from a flick like this is shootouts and explosions. Hopefully some T&A and then some creative gore scenes.  I would love it if all the low-rent cheesy movies had shootouts that looked this convincing and thrilling, and this well staged. But they don't. Which is why Bronx Warriors 2 is a gem. It's technically good looking. It may look cheap, but it doesn't look cheesy.  It's pretty cool looking to be honest. These movies (Bronx Warriors 1 & 2) are very competently made.

  Speaking of the action, it's nonstop. It's never overkill in my opinion, but it is over the top. In a very good and welcome way.  It's proportionate to the events as they progress in the movie. Theres a small skirmish in the beginning, a fight in an apartment later and then a small little shootout, and it escalates until it gets to the twenty minute climax in the streets of the bronx with more bad guys than Darth Vader has stormtroopers.

   It's a massive battle full of very clever little camera shots and lots of slow motion explosions.  I swear, one imdb reviewer complained that the movie fetishized death scenes. Well... yeah. Cool. It does. And... it's cool. What did you really expect from an exploitation knock-off of already violent movies? In my opinion, if you sought out this movie, you should like the genre and the shtick to begin with. If you don't, stay away.  It's clearly not going to be something you'd like.

  The movie is very very watchable despite some poor dubbing and of course, hokey dialog. Though none that manage to be facepalmingly bad.  The silent but badass shtick would fit Gregory well because he still sounds a little off... Fortunately supporting characters are actually well acted and very likable.  Except for a few bad apples who manage to be either bland or annoying.  It's all good though. Mark Gregory's outfit looks servicably bad-ass instead of borderline gay-ass this time. From GO this flick has a hell of a breakneck pace. Wasting no time padding out the proceedings for any reason, the plot kicks right in and we actually get to see some more interesting aspects to this world that was established in the first one. Also, Gregory doesn't entirely sound like a tool this time either.

  This movie is insanely action packed. I can't believe they still had time for plot and everything.
Yet they made it work. The body count is outrageous and it's all gunplay and shootouts this time around. Which brings me to my only real complaint. Although it makes up for it in plenty of ways, this one lacks some of the low-er budget creativity the first one had. The elbow spike, motorcycle blades, finger claws, spike poles, etc. And, sadly, no Fred Williamson. But overall, I got what I wanted. Action, blood, shootouts, explosions (and holy shit theres alot) and cheesy one-liners. Great midnight 80's b-grade actioner.

   As much, if not, more fun that it's predecessor, Bronx Warriors 2 earns it's positive review with flying colors not for being quality cinema, but for being such a damn fun and undeniably explosive ride. If you see the first, which you should, and like it, you should definitely check this one out. I recommend them both.

Hard Ticket To Hawaii

  I'm easy to please when it comes to B-grade, low rent movies with lots of tits and ass and lots of big guns, gore, and explosions. None of those things are frequented much in high class cinema. So to get your old arcade style kicks, you look to old genres of direct to video, exploitation and limited release shlock.  But every so often, not even gratuitous nudity every five minute can save a bad movie from being... actually bad.

  First of all, the poster caught my eye. Two blonde babes, nice looking bodies, stylish 80's shades and big guns. Okay. I'm sold.  An hour and twenty minutes of naked chicks and stupid jokes, and ten minutes of shootouts and action. It really should've been the other way around. The worst kind of B grade low-rent shlocky is the kind that tries to be funny. They never realize how stupid they sound. I mean, with bad writers and even worse actors, they sound funny when they try to play it straight, it double backs on itself when they TRY to be funny and its just... not. Worse, its boring and painful.

  No movie should be able to make seeing sexy blondes with rocket launchers boring. Let alone when they've clocked more screentime topless than not. The male leads are hardly in it, which isn't too much of a bad thing cause they get laid more than kill things, and they look dorky doing everything and anything. Theres a random and ENTIRELY pointless subplot about a "contaminated" boa constrictor that got loose, in a movie about drug dealers in hawaii.... Also, people die, get shot, even a honeymooning couple get eaten by said snake... and the leads seem to not care moments later. In fact they tell nobody about the couple. This movie wasn't fun. It was just so bad... that it was bad.  There are two scenes which are awesome, but hardly worth sitting through the movie for.

I really suggest you look up "Hard Ticket To Hawaii Skater Death" and "Hard Ticket to Hawaii frisbee" on youtube.

  If the movie was full of stuff like this... I'd fucking love it.
Unfortunately it's not. It's chock full of bed hopping. At some point you have to stop and wonder, goddamn man... were you making a softcore porno/soap opera or making an ACTION MOVIE?
It gets old. I don't care how nice that girl's ass is, or how gold standard some might consider her other assets, but for me, I wanted way more action and ALOT less jokes.  Even playing around IN the action scenes. It just got dumb. And considering these movies are already baseline dumb, calling one dumb is an insult to dumb movies. It's beyond retarded. Yet it's full of all the things that make an excellent midnight movie. If I had a bunch of beer and some friends, it might've been a WHOLE different experience.

  As it is, I cannot in good conscience recommend it when there are so many BETTER B-movies that pander directly to the basic need for tits, guns and gore. Waste not your time on this.

1990: The Bronx Warriors

  Shamelessly mimicking movies like Escape From New York and The Warriors, this classic italian exploitation flick Bronx Warriors may not be as big budget and grand scale like the former, and not a classic like the latter... but it's sure as hell a fun time. It was absolutely worth my time and bandwidth.

  I had just suffered through another old 80's trashy flick called Hard Ticket to Hawaii, an Andy Sidaris movie, and was sorely disappointed. It was simply put: boring.  I needed something to wash the taste out of my mouth. All the painfully unfunny attempts at humor, didn't they know they sounded funny enough trying to play it straight? Anyways, I popped in this one and was right off the bat, super excited. Any funny bits in this one are entirely unintentional. Which is the way it should be. I wasted no time digging into the cool weapons, the leather jackets, the colorful gangs, and some actually well shot and cleverly staged scenes.

    There is one scene where all the 'Riders' pull their motorcycles up to this dock area by the water on this big empty dirt lot.  In the off-middle is a random guy tapping out a beat on a big full drum set.  The snappy and suspenseful beat sets the mood for the upcoming confrontation as a bunch of snazzy 40's looking hot-rod cars pull up, belonging to the 'Tigers' gang.  The man just sits there the whole time, riffing away on the drums. Is he a gang member? We don't know. Nobody seems to even notice him, which is kinda cool in a probably unintentionally meta way. 

  That was a real bright spot of the movie. It was unique and unexpected. Alot of the movie is very unexpected. Now, please, don't confuse unexpected with unpredictable. The plot and story are very predictable. It's not a bad story, in fact it's a decent set up for the action it contains.  The best compliment I can level at it, is to call it servicable.  What's unexpected is how it doesn't look as cheap as I predicted it would. They make great use of some really run down locations to evoke a very demilitarized feel.  It looks like they're really crawling through the ruins of big old buildings that could very well be inhabitted by a gang of freakish scavengers.  The scavengers themselves aren't that freakish, but they're effective. They all seem to carry an identical plank of wood, which just... is one of the hokier aspects of the flick.  But they ambush our heroes more than once, and they're quite ruthless.

  If you want something entirely dark and gritty, look elsewhere. The gangs here are colorful and very eighties.  The right viewer will eat it up and get lost in the movie, the wrong viewer will be taken out of it and probably laugh his way right off of it. Not many people still appreciate the appeal of roller skating, hockey stick wielding gang members. Who, by the way, wear nazi looking german-esque helmets. They're just one gang. There are a couple more. None quite so flamboyant, but still.  And speaking of looks, you'll have to get used to how awkward the protagonist looks in the jeans he wears. It's literally distracting at times.

   And whoever dubbed him sounds a bit odd at times too. But once you get past that, you can soak up all the hokey dialog and ocassionally wooden acting.  Fred Williamson and Vic Morrow are the acting talent highlights, though... Vic gets a sudden personality makeover for the climax, making him into a maniac with a god complex. Its the stuff which Raul Julia must've studied hard in order to play the role of the ridiculous M.Bison in Street Fighter.  Fortunately, Bronx Warriors is a much more creative and even keel movie than that one. Not to mention way more fun.

  The movie is about a young woman in New York, who's about to inherit a whole multi-billion dollar company, but for fear of becoming a corporate pawn she runs away to the Bronx. Which in the future of "1990" (movie was made in 1982) is a total demilitarized zone run entirely by cutthroat gangs.  Luckily! This woman is pretty looking. So, the 'ruthless' gang, the Riders, that rescue her from the roller skating thugs (oddly called 'the Zombies') doesn't hurt her OR rape her. Instead she becomes like... their groupie.  Officially she becomes their leader's 'girl' so if anyone touches her, they die. Anyways, the company's head honcho's send people to get her, mercenaries and such. Subsequently, more and more Riders are getting picked off one by one.

   So in order to prevent a full war or something like that, our hero, named 'Trash', the leader of the Riders has to cross the WHOLE Bronx to get to the 'King' who's the leader of the 'Tigers' and the most powerful cat on the scene apparently.  Trash's whole plan is to convince the king (Williamson) to band together with him in an alliance to stop the mercenary and rescue the girl who's been kidnapped again by the Zombies.  Yep.  Which is actually a pretty cool thing to see unfold.  It all builds to a pretty over the top finale as you might imagine.  It was very cool.

  Not much more I can say without spoiling the best stuff. The fights are good and intense. The movie is not boring at all.  It has a bunch of padding which could've been trimmed and replaced with more violence and shit, but overall, very cool flick. I'm trying to avoid calling it 'good', because the dialog and acting is spotty overall, as well as the story and the dubbing. But stylistically it stands on its own with lots of visually cool scenes and sets. Not bad and surprisingly entertaining.  Can't wait to see the sequel. I definitely recommend this one if you're hungry for some decent B-movie action.