Star Trek Into Darkness

  Star Trek Into Darkness is a fun movie. There's absolutely no denying that. It's a big summer blockbuster as loud and action packed as they come. If the 2009 reboot was reaching out to a new audience, this one is making sure they're still paying attention. How does it go about this? By flooding it's screen time with action scene after action scene. It's almost unbelievable that the movie is actually 132 minutes. That's over 2 hours folks. I know you know that, but I'm still shocked.  The movie doesn't feel over an hour and a half to be honest. That's because of the breakneck pacing. Now, some may say this is a good thing. I don't think it is. Granted, it's 132 minutes of well constructed action scenes, thrilling set pieces, and witty banter... but it's lacking something. Room to breath. From the opening gambit, to the non-stop roller coaster ride of the rest of the movie- Star Trek Into Darkness sacrifices suspense for action.

  There's so much action, that we feel carted around from one phaser fight to the next. There's a build-up, but even that is developed so quickly, that the build-up feels like it needs a build-up. I may be seeming vague, but... the plot develops like it's trying to catch up with the rest of the movie. Revelations and twists are discovered and revealed in between the moments when the protagonists are reloading so to speak. Every scene is nipping on the heels of the next like a rabid animal. The plot is racing to a finish line, and before we know it... the whole starship Enterprise is shot towards the planet Cronos like a bullet, ready to execute a war criminal by the name of John Harrison. This is a very tense set up. Not suspenseful, just tense. It seems unethical to everyone but Kirk, who's hellbent on revenge. Of course, all these conversations about morals and ethics, are had as people jog down corridors and pile into shuttlecrafts. Nobody ever takes a moment to catch their breath and let the music settle as well. The movie zips along at maximum warp. Your problem if you can't keep up. Characters are revealed and then shoved to the sidelines just as fast and I'm left wondering if I blinked and missed something somewhere...

  It's easy to sound overly harsh on the movie. Maybe I'm just old fashioned. Maybe there's no room in J.J. Abrams' Trek reboot universe for old dogs like me. (Even though I'm actually quite young, this movie makes me feel ancient as someone who's been acquainted with all things Trek from the time I was able to speak.) That should be a problem though. It feels like a problem. Star Trek was never about phaser fights and such- even a recent revisit of the Original Series cast that stigma aside.  The movies always spent more time developing their stories, themes, and plots, and then penciled in action scenes where necessary. Into Darkness however seems to revolve entirely around it's action scenes.

  The movie's story is kinda bad. In fact, as a riff on The Wrath of Khan, trying to hit the same beats as the 1982 classic, it does nothing original. There's nothing entirely wrong with a breakneck pace, it just doesn't seem to fit Star Trek quite right. I had a blast watching Kirk and Spock punch their way through each little skirmish and each epic dogfight. The action scenes are crafted with style and filmed with flair. There are chase scenes, fist fights, shootouts, crashes, and just about every other kind of set piece a sci-fi action movie could possibly have. Make no mistake, while my critic brain is taking notes about everything that sorta bothered me, I was deeply conflicted, trying to convince myself I was still having a good time.

  Not enough sci-fi action movies are anywhere near this fun anymore, but at what cost does Into Darkness entertain? The movie can't go five minutes without insulting your intelligence, to say nothing of how it treats long time Trek fans. This isn't Science Fiction anymore, it's Science Nonsense. The Star Wars formula has been carelessly applied to the Trek franchise and it doesn't fit goddammit. This is NOT how Star Trek is supposed to be. Sure, seeing these characters return to their roles is wonderful, and having brushed up on The Original Series the very night before, I can say with absolute energetic enthusiasm- these actors, playing classic roles, they got it.

   They really nailed it. Without seeming like carbon copies, from the 2009 reboot to this one, I have utter and complete confidence in these actors to continue playing these characters. In fact, I'd love to see more with them. So bring on a third, and a fourth. I'm down.

  There's a scene towards the end, in the middle of the climax that any self-respecting Trek fan will see coming from miles away. I saw it coming myself. However, I didn't expect how emotional it would be regardless. I can't say they put a great deal of thought into it, in retrospect, but the actors sell it so hard and the atmosphere at that point was just right... that it had me a little more misty eyed than I'd like to admit. But it's perfectly emblematic of why this movie doesn't work. It veers far off course from what you'd want a Trek movie to be, and never manages to emerge from the murky cloud of plot holes and haphazard writing it's generated for itself. The movie uses transporters like a magic wand, and there's all kinds of bullshit surrounding Kha- I mean... John Harrison... of course, and the movie is all the worse for wear in the end.

   This is arguably one of the worst Trek movies ever. It stoops to embarassing lows and fails to understand thing 1 about the franchise. Of course it's no surprise since J.J. Abrams himself actually admitted that he never liked Star Trek to begin with. This is the man Paramount surrendered it's franchise to. Wonderful. Because... you know... that's always worked out well before. Maybe stop handing the franchise off to people who don't even like it? Abrams didn't like how philosophical and introspective Trek was, so he did away with it. He turned it into a mindless action movies, with logic gaps so big, you could fly the Enterprise itself right through em. So come on. Let's get someone else for #3.

Thriller: A Cruel Picture

   Thriller: A Cruel Picture manages to be one of the most intense and undoubtedly, one of the best of it's own genre. It's about a mute girl who's kidnapped and hooked on heroin, forced to become a prostitute to feed her drug addiction. Well, it goes without saying that she obviously uses her day off, once a week, to become a full fledged badass.

  She learns karate, guerrilla fighting, how to shoot guns like a boss and how to drive like a getaway driver. So it stands to reason that the last half of the movie is nothing but her kicking ass. All the ass. She does too. It's violent, well paced and bloody as fuck. You can't beat this movie at it's own game. Pound for pound it's everything you could want from an exploitation flick. You can't fault it for the hardcore sex, extreme gore, and unbridled violence, that's exactly what it's here to deliver.

  The odd thing about this movie is that it could be more than just an exploitation flick. It could be a damn good flick in it's own right. There's a certain kind of weighty gravitas to the movie. It's not shoddily acted, alot of it has real artistic design. There's a beautifully staged fight towards the end that's simply gorgeous. It's more than just exploitation. It transcends it's own genre with glimpses of some intense and moving drama. However, it's always apparent that first and foremost this movie is indeed a grindhouse gem.

  Eyes are gouged with scalpels (apparently a real eye too, as the filmmakers used a cadaver for the scene, in order to lend utmost realism to the effect), the leading heroine is repeated forced into sex in explicit pornographic detail, and gunshots spray blood across the screen with a vengeance. Which actually brings me to my big gripe with the movie, the explicit sex? It's clearly just porno cut into the movie. I remember reading that they had some actual reason for this, but I don't remember it being a good one, nor can I recall exactly what it was.

  Regardless, not only is it... kinda tasteless, but there's no point honestly. In a rape/revenge flick, I can understand, and while this is essentially a rape/revenge flick, it plays to a prostitution angle rather than a one time brutal event. We don't need to see this poor girl having sex with all these people- multiple times. I get showing it once, but even that... Graphic penetration? As far as I'm concerned, if you wanted to show that stuff, let it be in a context that isn't so awful. Cause it's unnecessary I think. Then again, maybe I'm missing the point here. If there even is one. The movie would've been just as gritty and graphic without the porno.

  Just saying. Though whenever there was one of those horribly uncomfortable sex scenes, this terrible siren-like sound would screech. I thought this was a very neat touch. It heightens the sheer tension, making it hard to watch, let alone listen to. It's a very effective way of getting across how completely nerve wracking it is for her, how unbearably awful it is. So there is that. I won't even mention how cars in this movie tend to spontaneously combust simply because they're in the vicinity of a chase.

  Being that it's a grindhouse flick, it does what it does really damn well. It has a hell of a third act that's intense and exciting, and the ending manages to be just as fantastic and fundamentally creative. I loved the last half of this movie. It's all payoff. The setup however uncomfortable it may be, is grindhouse bread and butter, as well as necessary to the story. No setup, no payoff. So you gotta take it for what it is. You might just like it. I know I did. It's an iconic piece of uber violent 70's exploitation cinema. Fuck yeah.

The Raid: Redemption

  While this is probably my fourth time seeing The Raid, I do believe it's only my second review. I don't do second reviews for many movies as my thoughts the first time around should prove the most faithful. However, with a movie like this, one can't help but become impressed and awed all over again. I think this warrants another write-up.

  Welsh director Gareth Evans wroth and directed this Pandora's box of blood soaked martial arts and I've yet to see any movie top it. It's not a pillar of great storytelling, although it is efficient, it may leave more than some viewers wanting more to the overall meat of the plot.  However The Raid refuses to let you think for one second that it's here to do anything except kick ass. All the ass. The pace is utterly relentless and the amount of brutality it throws at you is absolutely jaw-dropping.

  Star Iko Uwais navigates the horrific hallways of this run-down tenement building, dodging machete wielding maniacs and hoards of fierce thugs in order to escape from the living hell, and bring the bad guys to justice. Which really means just stabbing and cutting them open with a knife. Five at a time obviously. If any of this sounds like an insane horror movie, you're not far off. It's a claustrophobic experience, full of wall to wall gore. Martial arts savvy opponents face off with ferocious intensity, letting the bodycount skyrocket.

  It's a dizzying experience that simply doesn't let up. It's also a very basic movie. It has the bare necessities, but only just. It has a couple protagonists, stuck behind enemy lines, and hundreds of enemies for them to dispatch with consistently bloody results. From guns, to knives, axes, grenades, and raw, brutal, fighting- nobody is safe in this movie. You immediately know that it's a war zone for all intents and purposes, and about as bloody as any war movie you've ever seen.

  From the opening scenes to the final showdown, there's no doubt that The Raid is a great movie. It's great because it doesn't dilute itself. There's no ridiculous pauses for comedy, and it doesn't try to shoehorn forced exposition in there. It sticks to what it does best. Action. Everything is engineered to enhance the action scenes, the fantastic music score by Mike Shinoda, the camera movements (and no, not shaky cam. Thank god.) and even the setting. It's in your face, and raw in the most visceral ways possible.

  By the time the final shots roll around, they're electrifying. It's probably the first breath of relief you've taken the entire time. It's the first break in the tension and suspense. It plays out in slow motion as our protagonist continue down the paths they've laid out for themselves. It's such an amazing scene, and quite possibly my favorite in the movie. The music, the slow motion, all of it is perfect. It's a perfect bookend to an hour and a half of sheer merciless violence. You truly feel like you've been through a war with these characters, and they certainly look like it too.

  I can't stress enough how fitting and amazing this final shot is, but it's amazing because everything that came before it was too. It's an intense battlefield of a movie, erupting in a chaotic explosion of fists, knives, and gallons of blood that's ultimately second to none. See the movie if you haven't already. It's been on Blu Ray for a while and I strongly consider it a must own if any bit of this sounded exciting. The Raid is no joke. It delivers.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

  I hear people bitching about continuity errors in Retaliation, how sad it is that Duke dies in the first ten minutes. That's already widely known, so if you wanna whine about spoilers... there's the back button. Right there. They also whine about how most of the supporting cast from Rise of Cobra doesn't return, and how they're not mentioned. Yet most of these things, are things fans listed to change in a sequel. Screw everyone who's bitching about these things. Seriously. There's a overwhelming wave of new-found tolerance for Rise of Cobra, and it's nasty. Especially when this movie is vastly superior.

  The plot is pretty thin and it stretches itself thin as much as possible to cover alot of ground. So don't expect anything good, or intricate. Not in the slightest. Basically, if you don't mind your villains growing in a Darth Vaderish voice about world domination- you won't have an issue with this movie. Thankfully though, it's not actually stupid, and it doesn't outright insult your intelligence. Which is a big improvement over the 90 minute glorified toy commercial that is it's predecessor.

  In short, G.I.Joe: Retaliation does precisely what it means to. It delivers scene after scene of explosive over the top action sequences, witty humor, and neat-o gadgets. It's about as deep as a Saturday morning cartoon, but considering how good some of those can actually be- it's a strong compliment. However, at heart it's still just a silly cartoon. Good guys win, bad puns are made, the villains get theirs and/or escape to fight again in a sequel. What more could you want?

  The use of CGI in just about EVERY action scene is greatly reduced from the last outing. In fact, only a few instances is there lots of CGI onscreen here. What CGI is on display is very very well done. Kudos. However, the real star of the show is the action, and it is largely enjoyable (aside from some occasional shaky cam) and there's lots of cool little bits to take in. Lots of cool looking camera angles, and very decent choreography, as well as wonderful chemistry between cast members, and some very decent humor go a long way towards saving this from being a middle of the road actioner.

  The Rock is definitely a highlight as he lends his trademark physicality to the movie, being an ideal action figure for this rock em' sock em' outing. As well as blowing things up with machine guns so large nobody has ever held by hand before on film, he also dispenses verbal exposition as needed to check in with the ongoing plot and make sure the audience is up to par. It's as cut and dry as "This is what's happening now, and this is what we need to do." However, with his charisma, gravitas and intensity, The Rock has cemented his career on making dialog like that sound important and at the very least fun to listen to.

  The movie does make attempts at some welcome character development, and it fits. It doesn't hold up the pace like some people complain it does. The actors do a competent enough job to sell it pretty well too. However nobody will be thinking about these characters much beyond their function in a gun fight.  It's not too much of a complaint though seeing how fun it is to watch these characters interact with each other. The banter alone sometimes is gold, and other times it's just their attitude and a bit of brevity.

  Which brings me to something else this movie does really well. Chemistry. The movie has a self aware attitude about itself, which prevents it from being so silly it's pretentious. Instead of weighing us down, telling us how these characters are good friends or something like that, it simply treats us to seeing it. There's a real camaraderie here, even if it is between glorified action figures.

  I could go on about the flaws of the movies, including the odd (but thankfully brief) placement of Wu Tang member RZA; I could comment on how the total destruction of London looked, and how the bad guys make such a classic cartoonish mistake towards the end that I nearly facepalmed... but it's the kind of movie where ninjas use guns, The Rock quotes Jay-Z, and bad guys make speeches about world domination. Why would I stop to nit-pick? Either you're sold on it by now, or not.

Much ass is kicked, Snake Eyes is a cool looking badass, The Rock blows things up, and the token female. gets her moment in a tightly fitted red dress. At least the G.I.Joes aren't above exploiting their fellow female Joe's (Jane's?) sex appeal...

YO JOE!(?)

With implausibility abound, one either checks in for an hour and a half of ninjas, explosions, and shootouts, or he sits around being miserable the whole time. This is what you paid to see. Deal with it. This is what The Rise of Cobra should've been. Pound for pound. Some things are unfortunately summarily excised in the effort to distance itself from it's predecessor, but this is hardly a gripe considering how much better it is.

 It also seems to me, in closing, that this movie was made in the wrong era. Scaled back just a smidge and it'd make a kick ass double feature with say... First Blood Pt.II.

Did I mention Snake Eyes is a badass?

Cloud Atlas

  As a character proclaims in the movie at one point, "I will not be subjected to criminal abuse!", I wish the movie itself could say the same thing to the legions of haters it's garnered. It's fundamentally stunning how much hate this movie has gotten. I haven't bothered eyeing any critic's take on it beyond Roger Ebert, but around the web, people are saying this movie is crap. I secretly wonder to myself if that person is a 14 year old prepubescent boy who adores Michael Bay's Transformers movies. If that's the kind of audience that's hating this movie...  then we know this one must be good.

  Good, however is a hard term to slap onto this movie. It makes a fair share of blunders and such. It's overlong, the first half is sloppily edited, and again the first half struggles to keep you engaged. These are serious issues. For a three hour movie, to not hook you right away is a crime. Because, it'll lose you before it gets to it's selling point. Think of movies as a sales pitch, they have to grab your attention right away, then start telling you why you wanna buy what they're selling. If they don't grab your attention, it's akin to leaving you alone with their product in an empty room. You're waiting for it to be pitched to you. Lots of waiting.

  This is what Cloud Atlas does. It's a great product, but you're not hearing the pitch right away. Regardless, ditching the metaphor for now, there is something about the movie... from the beginning, despite how inert it is, that keeps you wanting to see more. You can't quite describe it either, it's like a subtle hint of greatness. Almost as if the movie is giving you a silent promise that something spectacular lies ahead. Just be patient. Still, being patient is asking alot when the movie feels very inert at first. Like, it doesn't know where it's going with itself.

  You have at least five parallel stories going on, and you cut back and forth between them like you're reading from five different books. A single page from book 1, then a single page from book 4, then a single page from book 2, 3, then 5, 2, 3, 4, 1... on and on. Meanwhile, someone is leaning over your shoulder, promising you they're all connected somehow. Sometimes these transitions are smooth and provides a glimpse at that aforementioned 'greatness', but other time they're just... jarring and unnatural. This can take an already un-sold audience, and alienate them.  So that's rough. Very rough.

  However, the movie seems to find it's footing after the first half or so. The first hour at the very least, so "half" isn't really fair. I think you get my point though. When it does find it's footing, you'd think you'd be privy to some revelatory stuff, still no unfortunately. However, you do see where the movie is taking you, and it looks to be quite promising. By this point, if you can invest your time and attention, I'm personally promising you it'll be worth it. The movie struggles through the first hour, but pulls itself together and finally captured my attention. I wanted to know the outcome of each one of those stories.

  The characters enlivened and the stories became engaging. You get emotionally invested at that point regardless of the tonal and pacing missteps the movie has made so far. You see master filmmaking unfolding, and more hints of greatness. What helps sell this movie past the first dragging hour is the actors. They're fantastic, not a weak link to be found. Weak roles maybe, but even those are performed with gusto, and when you have a single actor playing maybe 5 or 6 different roles they really need to sell the fact that these are indeed separate characters and not just a riff on the same one.

  It works. It works surprisingly well. As an informed movie-watcher, I'm eyeing all the different makeup jobs, and am stunned at how they've transformed a simple enough looking blue collar worker into a brutish looking homicidal thug. It's simply impressive, but only because the actors sell each character as an individual performance. The movie gets really neat when you can actually start picking up on the threads on precisely how these people and events are connected. Which is a MOST central and important theme.

  There is enough in Cloud Atlas to say there is something for everyone. Really. So many movies boast that, and don't deliver. But such is not the case here. There is adventure, romance, drama, comedy, and each story seems to be devoted to it's own brand of each and all of these things. And all this in varied settings from a sailing voyage on the high seas, to the high-tech Tokyo of the future, and a mysterious post apocalyptic world that's even closer than you might suspect. It's wonderful. Amazingly so.

  What's even more impressive is how emotional the outcome feels. It really hits you, which is stunning because you don't think it would. It doesn't seem like a strong enough movie to draw you in, in such a deep way. There's not much to hate about Cloud Atlas in the end, because it ends up being a damn good movie. An experience to behold. It ends up being quite the epic. Keeping an open mind and a clear schedule is key though. It's a long movie that can feel even longer, and sadly, not enough of this runtime feels necessary. It feels like excess that could be trimmed to provide a leaner and more direct movie. At least a good half hour (being generous) feels totally unjustifiable.

  However, this movie is the kind of grand far reaching film that I love to call a 'motion picture'. It's epic in a way that few movies even try to be. Thus, even though it stumbles a bit, I love it for what it is and what it was reaching for all along. Movies like this need to be embraced because we sorely need more like them. The uniqueness and creativity alone ensures a must see experience. But misleading expectations are alienating audiences and this is very sad to me.

  I love Cloud Atlas. From the gorgeous visuals, to the unconventional storytelling, even if it is painful at times, to the absolutely beautiful score, this movie is amazing. Not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and hardly "great", but amazing for sure. Damn good flick that flirts with greatness. For my money, this is better than any stale, dead on arrival, Hollywood tripe any day of the week.

This movie should NOT be subjected to criminal abuse.

The Baytown Outlaws

  Every so often, a movie comes along, out of the blue- one that you did not know about -and completely surprises you. The Baytown Outlaws, is one of those movies. I hadn't seen a poster, a trailer, nor a single shred of news about this little gem until this same day. (Well... technically yesterday, but I'm a night owl so, that's how it is.) I got my hands on it pronto and watched it straightaway, and boy am I glad I saw it.

  I'll pretty much flock to any bloodbath of a movie with grizzled good guys, vile bad guys, and loads of big guns between them.  And... that is what The Baytown Outlaws is. However, it is also more...
I'll say right now, this movie has heart. It was entirely unexpected, because it could've been perfectly enjoyable without any emotions to it too. Only because it's that type of movie. It could've been a soulless wrecking ball of southern catastrophe without a single thoughtful moment in sight, so long as it was fast, bloody, and not bullshitty (we'll get to "bullshitty" in a bit). However, what's wonderful about this flick, is that it decides to grow a heart halfway through.

  Which in some more unfortunate cases can ruin a movie. Not that heart itself can ruin a movie, but when a ballsy gritty action flick, turns on a dime and the mood and tone and everything shift dramatically... it can be more than jarring. It can alienate your audience.

  Fortunately, the tone shift in this movie was well worked up to and actually adds to the proceedings rather than jarringly alter or detract from them. The enjoyment factor of this flick is not hampered by the emotional turn it takes in the third act. Mind you, it's not like... tear jerking emotions, but it's more heart and story than a movie like this could be expected to have. It's so effective too, it's awesome.  Now, about how a movie like this can be bullshitty; it's like when... you have good action, but it's marred by shaky camera work. Or good action pared with a story so stupid it's beyond redemption. Or when the premise promises lots of action and shooting and you get... nearly none. (see: Max Payne)
That's "bullshitty", and this movie ain't it.

  Cutting to the chase, this little caper is about these three redneck, mercenary brothers hired by a lady to rescue her son from her evil drug dealer ex-husband. Firstly, that's a great setup. No matter who you are, or where you're from- that sounds like an ass-kicking good time. Secondly, the brothers have a fantastic on-screen dynamic and their chemistry is wonderful. Which is why I also have ease in comparing it to The Boondock Saints. Another hyper-violent vigilante movie with brothers as protagonists.  The differences are endless, but I'm reflecting mostly on the brothers' dynamic and chemistry. Both movies have it in spades. Say what you will about the Saints, but Sean Patrick Flannery and Norman Reedus were awesome together.

  Just like the dudes in this flick. Awesome. Awesome. I love watching them do their thing, with a franchise's worth of potential in-jokes and unique quirks, this trio of redneck badasses single-(or should I say triple?)-handedly made the movie for me. As badass and strapped to the teeth with guns as they are, there's also something endearing about them. They're certainly not the creepy kind of bayou recluses that only come out of hibernation to kill things and intimidate people. They're brothers, and they act like it. They have personalities, not thousand yard stares.

  All this and what seems like a -total- lack of cgi, and you've got a winner. The shootouts are intense and bloody, the movie is a big ball of bullet-riddled fun, and there's not too much to complain about. I'm outright shocked this hasn't gotten more attention. Or maybe it has and I'm the recluse. Who knows. Either way, I recommend it. Fully.

The Church

  Being a fan of completely weird movies with lots of atmosphere, The Church (a.k.a. La Chiesa) is one I'm surprised I haven't seen alot sooner. From the same minds that brought you Demons, comes this little slice of  strangeness. With a healthy dose of warped imagery and plenty of gore, you can tell right now if this is going to be up your alley or not. If it is, and you want further convincing, read on.

  Starting in the days of the Templars, with knights, and bad dudes on horseback, we see a horrible tragedy up close. A whole village of families slaughtered in a hunt for a single witch. These types of things generally spawn a bit of unrest... with some vengeful spirits and grudge curses. The perfect fodder for movies like this. Anyway, one day people decided they needed to build a church obviously. So they built a big cathedral right over the spot of that horrible atrocity...
Cause... you know... that makes sense. Well, it did to someone anyways. However, despite it's weighty premise and graphic brutality, it's not long before you realize the movie is just a show. It's all about smoke and mirrors so to speak. It doesn't attempt to live up to the stage it's set for itself with anything... I dunno, important? Thoughtful? Instead, it traps a bunch a people in the cathedral once the curse or whatever is unleashed and people start dying. One by one.

  If this sounds familiar... it's because it's the generic setup for any cookie cutter horror movie.  Fortunately The Church rises above mediocrity with fantastic effects and a properly nightmarish tone throughout that few movies achieve with such effectiveness. However, suffice it to say, if you're looking for anything intellectual here, the best you can do is read into the disturbing imagery. That's about it. Characters are creepy, they creep around, doing creepy things. Being generally...creepy. There's also a girl and her family who work at the cathedral. They're kinda weird too. Oh, and then there's a priest, a young(ish) black man, who practices archery in his spare time. You'd think that'd come into play when it becomes obvious that he's the hero. Despite being the one person with the least amount of screentime...

But, no. It never does. He gets a vision or something while practicing, but that's it. He (spoilers?) "saves" the day without utilizing any of his archery prowess. I call bullshit. If you're going to set us up for something amazing like that, and then not deliver? I'll take the karate-chopping priest from Dead Alive over this psuedo-Denzel Washington any day.

  In movies like this, because they're alot more shallow than they'd like you to believe, most of the effort goes into giving you a good show. Good special effects, lots of gore, some T&A, et cetera. It's because of this that I can't believe they passed up the chance to have the priest save the day with a bow and arrow. It would've made about as much sense as the rest of the damn movie.  Having said that, the rest of the damn movie, is actually worth the watch if you're into this kinda thing. The imagery and special effects lend themselves nicely to the unsettling and disturbing tone of the movie. It's all really really well done and as far as these types of shallow yet religious horror movies go... this is one of the best I've seen. They almost got the balance right. And I'll say right now, it's a damn sight better than The Keep.

  All in all, I loved it. It was unsettling, the special effects were great, the imagery was great. That is about all I expected from it. It's the kind of movie that would fuel those nightmares you get that also seem like great ideas for horror movies. In fact, if you think about that, this might've been one of those nightmare-inspired movies to begin with. It's simple enough, with a decent framework, yet vague and creepy enough that it feels like a bad dream. A good bad dream at that. If that makes any kind of sense. It's full of morbidly intriguing things and sights that draw people to movies like this. People wanna see this stuff up close, so long as they're on the other side of the screen, safe and sound. Few movies show you these things this up close, for whatever reason they don't, this movie isn't concerned with that. Bring on the blood and satanic rams' heads. The Church is where it's at.

The FP

  This movie is a little ball of weirdness. I'd love to have been there when they were thinking it up. It must have been something like... "Hey! Great idea... let's make a movie where two gangs settle their differences with the deadly sport of... DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION!" Yeah. They ran with that too apparently. Nonetheless, I'm glad that they did.  It's on the plane of quirkiness with Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Detention, Black Dynamite and John Dies at the End. All Movies I wholehearted love watching. As I type this, The FP is growing on me. I have no doubt I'm going to end up watching it again.

  Of course, they can't actually use the title 'Dance Dance Revolution', so instead it's called 'Beat Beat Revolution'. Whether it was by design or necessity, it led to one of the greatest lines to ever grace a movie. Ever. "I challenge you to a BEAT OFF!" Try saying that, out loud, sounding and looking serious without laughing... at all. It's freaking impossible. Yet all the actors in this shlocky b-movie carry every intentionally ridiculous line with total and unflinching seriousness. This movie isn't cut for comedic timing. That's precisely the point though. It's parodying alot of 80's movies. From The Karate Kid to any Rocky sequel of your choosing, along with The Warriors and even Mad Max. None of those movies are comedies. So to make fun of those movies it has to mimic precisely what's endearing about them. Including their melodramatic seriousness.

  The amount of subtle nods to other movies of the era and genre are aplenty. The main character alone looks like a Snake Plissken clone. This is just the icing on the cake for the FP, because it can stand entirely on it's own merits. It isn't so overt with it's nods that it becomes a spoof. It's a loving parody of a whole genre and the era it thrived in, as well as saying something about the current state of things and what's to come. It's not saying much... but it's saying something.   With main characters named things like "L Dubba E" and "Jtro" it's impossible to not see the humor in this movie. Anyone who doesn't is probably too uptight for this brand of silliness and it's advised they stay far away. For everyone else? If you can dig this kind of silly flick where in the 'future' the deadliest of differences between two 'vicious' gangs are settled over a Dance Dance Revolution showdown... then dig in! You'll like it. I bet.

John Dies at the End

This will be my second time reviewing John Dies at the End. In total however, I've seen it three times.  It's exactly the sort of offbeat sci-fi horror/comedy that's impossible to resist. It's about two buddies, Dave and John, who come into contact with this new edgy drug called the 'soy sauce'. Little do they know it'll open their eyes to a big interdimensional war full of creatures and mysterious beings. This is a great setup for a movie. Based on a 'biographical' book by "David Wong" (re-emphasizes with air quotes)  which I have not read yet, I can only assume plenty of the book was chopped out.

  Not to say John Dies isn't a good movie and all, it's good in it's own special way. It's ballsy. It's crude, unique, outrageous, and adventurous, the likes of which genre sci-fi doesn't see enough of. So it's very easy for me to recommend this movie and support it as much as possible, because it's something of a rarity. Albeit an enjoyable one too. The cast is peppered with really good and well known actors, including the likes of Paul Giamatti (who's totally loving every second of this), Clancy Brown, and the amazing Doug Jones. The two leads however, Dave and John, are played by relative newcomers Chase Williamson and Rob Mayes, respectively.

Although Williamson is the anchor for the audience and actually really fun to watch as he plays Dave, who shuffles through the movie with a bewildered daze, it's truly Rob Mayes who steals the show as the incorrigible and undeniably fun, John.  The dynamic between Dave and John is perfect, and Williamson and Mayes really sell it. Their performances aren't bulletproof however. Specifically Williamson's, but when he gets it right, he really gets it right.  Mayes is the total scene stealer though, turning in an energetic and inspired turn, on what could've been a painfully cliche role. John is like that one guy we all seem to know, unreliable yet irresistible  Wild and wacky, yet oft drunk or high. As Dave recalls, he never guessed John would be the one to bring about the end of the world.  Neither would I. 

  John Dies at the End has some serious issues to is. Character arcs range from underdeveloped to outright butchered, seemingly left mostly on the cutting room floor. There's so much unexplained that you kinda have to let the logic Nazi in your head take a backseat whilst watching this in order to fully enjoy it. Shit happens out of nowhere sometimes and if an explanation is given, it's a very fleeting one. The thing about it I found to be okay was that, the flaws kinda work with the tone of the movie. It's such an unexpected and random experience already, that these logic gaps and glaring continuity errors almost feel truer to the "I don't know what the hell is going on!" mindframe that Dave has through the entire movie. Not to say they're excusable, or that they 'enhance' the experience, like film grain to grindhouse. Not at all. They're sloppy mistakes, or their signs of rushed production, or shoddy editing or any one of the above... but they don't ruin the experience for you. They certainly didn't for me.

  In a movie where all of the raw meat in a freezer comes to life and assembles itself as a fully sentient monster... and where door knobs can turn into dangling male genitalia to discourage escape... logic gaps and continuity errors probably won't be upsetting the movie for you. It's so bat-shit crazy off the wall to begin with, that these errors for me were mostly noticed in retrospect, or upon repeat viewing.  It's also a serious tragedy that Doug Jones had maybe 4 total minutes of screentime. His name alone could be a serious selling point to many potential viewers who will be woefully disappointed to see the actor almost entirely wasted in a short and peripheral role that honestly only exists to move the plot forward. Sad. Alas, the movie is totally fun. Full of gross out humor, grade-A gore, and wildly imaginative sci-fi trappings. It's quite an action packed little endeavor and it gets a full recommendation from me

Big Trouble in Little China

  So this is a personal favorite John Carpenter movie starring Kurt Russell as the iconic Jack Burton. Jack and his buddy Wang Chi get mixed up in big adventure and serious trouble when in their efforts to rescue Wang's beautiful fiancee from some local thugs, they stumble onto a mysterious supernatural battle in the grimy alleyways of Chinatown. It's a thrill a minute movie set up like an arcade game. Each set piece plays like a video game level in a retro sidescroller full of non-stop action.

  This is one of those movies that I like to say puts the magic back into a Saturday matinee.  It's funny and exciting and well made. It's just the right blend of comedy and action. The comedy is hilarious, and the action is gleefully over-the-top. This movie is a roller coaster ride full of mystic thunder gods, big all out kung-fu gang wars, truck chases, underground lairs, shootouts, fist fights, sword fights, creepy monsters, cool special effects, Chinese black magic and lots of iconic one-liners. Kurt Russell is awesome as Jack Burton. He's this scuzzy truck driver, but charismatic and a hero at heart. Even if he claims he's only there cause he wants his truck back...

  His intrepid sidekick, Wang Chi is this irresistibly energetic, high-kicking, character who has perfect chemistry with Jack. They're like Han Solo and Chewbacca. Kirk and Spock.  Sherlock and Watson. You can't separate em, and you wouldn't want to even if you could. It also dons on me that Big Trouble is not unlike an old school, side-scrolling, beat-em-up video game. This is arcade room gold. You play a rough-and-tumble truck driver who only wants his truck back, but ends up having to rescue the damsel in distress. Stage one? Chinatown wars- boss battle? Thunder gods! It's so much fun, and so crazy.

  It definitely has an old school comic book/video game vibe, and that's never a bad thing. From the music, to the vibrant colors, pacing, and beyond. This movie is a big ball of non-stop fun. Even it's sense of humor matches the zaniness of the rest of it. The hero saves the day with lipstick smudged on his face from the obligatory kiss he got once he rescued the girl. It's silly, but it works and it makes me smile. As you might have gathered, the acting in this movie is unapologetically melodramatic, but it fits the overall tone. Not to mention the pacing is so breakneck you could care less.

   The movie only stops every so often to provide the clueless Jack Burton with some fleeting answers to his bewildered questioning as to "Just what the hell is going on?", which conveniently advances the story and provides some exposition, and then again so the heroes can briefly plot their next move. This isn't such a bad move, since the movie feels practically animated in it's energy. There's no time to stop, a girl's life is on the line! Thus the movie plays to the urgency of a kidnapped damsel in distress, there's no time to do anything except... well... save the day- and, watching them save the day is a blast when they're pitted against the mystical Chinese underworld populated with sorcerers and demons. Great movie. Great fun. Classic.
 .

Zombies!

  I've been playing a lot of Resident Evil 3 lately. Which is still quite the classic, and it's made me to want to watch some more zombie flicks. Having seen all but the most recent Resident Evil movie, it was safe to say I should expose myself to a better breed of zombie flick.  I'd already seen the original Night of the Living Dead when I was in grade school at a friend's sleepover. It truly scared me shitless. It put me off everything 'zombie' related for a while. Fortunately, that was grade school; an eternity ago. Now bring on the scares and gore, and Dawn of the Dead did just that.

  I was hoping for something intense and bloody. I was in for a treat. Dawn jumps right into it. It's hectic and bloody opening sets the tone for the rest of the movie. Only letting up around the midway mark, Dawn of the Dead is a horror roller coaster that has stood the test of time and become something of a titan in the genre.  The gore effects are awesome. You won't be disappointed. Some of it made me cringe actually. In the good way. I think my only complaint is how standard the zombies themselves look. Though I might be spoiled by modern zombie effects, these zombies look like people. Grey skinned people. No blood and disfigured faces of any kind. But alas, they still remain effective enough to be scary at times and elevate the tension to an immense level.

  It was quite a fun movie to watch, and I was in for a whole world of awesome by the climax. Which was a massive battle royale between zombies, a small army of bikers and our band of intrepid heroes. It's pretty glorious to watch the chaos and carnage unfold.  Also what kinda took me off guard was the sense of humor. Wasn't expecting it to have one at all; but it does, and it fits well into the movie.  Much in the way Zombieland was. Though this adheres to Romero's rule that "Dead things don't run." it was still quite tense and effective in how they found clever ways to crank up the suspense to nail biting levels.  The movie isn't perfect, there's some mild bits of pacing issues and general stupidity, but overall it was a damn good flick that's worth watching beyond a shadow of a doubt.
--

  This remake helmed by geek favorite Zack Snyder proves to be an effective remake even if it is inferior to the original.  It provides what the original didn't. More vicious looking and bloodier zombies, tighter editing, and a relatable modern setting. Unfortunately, it doesn't go much further beyond that. It introduces some truly unique and interesting concepts, like the unborn zombie baby, the fact animals wouldn't be craved by zombies (which I didn't really like) and little things like that. Some great. Some not.
Dawn of the Dead's pace is so breakneck and sudden that our protagonists exist merely as placeholders. We're expected to care about these people on principal. However the movie also makes clear cut human antagonists. So these people are good cause they're nice, and that guy we want dead cause he's an asshole.
That formula... doesn't gel for me. It's so cliche.

  Furthermore, there's some conflict of character logic, and a smidge of shoddy acting, but overall this remake is very well made and fun to watch. It's a decent zombie action/horror movie that stands head and shoulders above others of it's kind. Ving Rhames easily is the most undeniably watchable person here. He's simply so badass and cool that you can't help but like him. He gets the best lines and the best moments, and he's a pleasure to watch and makes the movie for me personally. It's not really fun spending time with these characters. Unlike the original Dawn, where it was indeed a blast. I'm not trying to knock the movie that badly. I don't want it to sound like that.  However it is inferior to the original. Not VASTLY inferior, not slightly inferior. It's the difference between great and good. It's good. Whereas the original was great.
If you keep your expectations in check you can have lots of fun with this movie.  I know I did. I just wasn't blown away.

  It's very competently directed, they obviously had a good appreciation for the original, to the point of even snagging some chuckle worthy cameos from some of the original cast members. Overall I did enjoy it. I do suppose though that's all there is to this unfortunately one-note experience.
--

  This french language horror thriller is quite over the top in a deliciously bloody way. The acting is solid for the most part, and the zombies are cool and vicious and the setting is decent. Overall, it's a very serviceable flick. And for what it's worth, I liked it better than Dawn of the Dead remake. It's certainly more unique.
Not the most original flick ever, but certainly a badass popcorn flick. The Horde is very well made, and very well acting. This is it's strength actually. It's not wholly 100% original. However the things it borrows from other zombie movies, it actually does just as well if not better. Trapped in a high rise building... zombies swarming the whole place... etc etc. It works here. Very well.

  Also, the killing here is awesome. Some truly badass scenes. Very memorable stuff, especially from Eriq Ebouaney. He single-handedly made this movie to me. His on-screen presence was astounding. He exudes control and leadership in his amazing performance here. I almost didn't care about the "good guys" because either they were all straight-up douchebags, or just bland as fuck. A few of them get neat scenes in the last act but nothing that fully justified their blandness. Unfortunate. But alas, the secondary characters are very fun to watch even if they tend to overact alot.  In general, The Horde is a mixed bag. Not drastically so though. Some characters are shit. Some are awesome. Some parts are bland, and others awesome.

  Fortunately, the good outweighs the bad, even if it is by a slim margin. Thus I do heartily recommend this movie, because I feel it was definitely worth my time.

The 36th Chamber of Shaolin

  There's much to love in this Shaw Bros. classic. For one, it's really really well made. The story may be threadbare simple, but that's better for this type of movie than over-complicating the hell out of it. You can follow what's going on and why. Which is a big plus for an old kung-fu flick. The 36th Chamber of Shaolin is truly fun. But it's not one huge long fight scene. Nor is it one big fight after the next. It's really about  one man's quest to learn kung-fu to help others defend themselves and fight against a cruel and sadistic military regime.

  The training sequences are the heart of this movie, much like the Rocky franchise. Except, in this movie, they're also the entire main focus. Most of the screen-time is devoted to his learning Shaolin martial arts. Which is incredibly entertaining anyways. Watching him persevere through insanely trying tests and rigorous exercises is more fun than one might think. Even if it already sounds fun. It's very creative and inventive. It's also clear where so many films copied from it. But this is truly the granddaddy Shaolin flick of em all. In a movie clocking in at nearly two solid hours, there's not one moment of boredom.

 The movie zips along at a brisk pace, delivering impressively choreographed fights and duels that wouldn't even look outdated by today's standard. Also worth noting is the suberb editing clever scene transitions. They're never more than hard cuts, but they're synchronized using neat placement of sound effects and camera framing. This links the two scenes in a really cool way that keeps the momentum moving forward.

Unfortunately, the very last act seems rushed and is rather choppy. Also, at some points in the movie, the acting can be face-palmingly melodramatic, even for the era. Then, there is some occasional spotty acting regardless, but overall, the acting is good and I have no serious complaints. The movie is infectiously entertaining and irresistibly fun.

  It's definitely a genre classic, and a damn good flick in it's own right. I can't recommend it enough.

Bad Taste

  I'm no stranger to pre-Lord of the Rings Peter Jackson. I watched Dead Alive (a.k.a. Braindead) and I loved it. Bad Taste is like, even more low budget. Which may actually turn off some viewers. I must insist, give it time. It may look terribly boring and cheap at first, but give it time. It gets better by the minute. It'll have you grossed out in no time at all. Which is a good thing. When low budget gore, that actually looks fake, still manages to be gross and effective,  I happen to love it. And that's what Bad Taste is. Gross and effective. And also a hell of alot of fun.

  Aliens have landed, they can look like us, and they find human flesh and organs to be delicious... when regurgitated and prepared right apparently... Yes. That says 'regurgitated'. Yep. So it's up to a hapless band of... alien... fighter... guys? To grab their walkie talkies, their ski masks, their machine guns, and their endless supply of bullets, stop the aliens from turning Humans into galactic fast food, kill them all, and generally save the day. The movie gets more fun as it goes on. It's just wonderful by the end. And by wonderful I mean, shootouts that seem to go on and on, aliens running amok, explosions, gore galore, and plenty of good clean fun overall. Hah.

  I can't say any of this looks specifically -well made-. Modern audiences, spoiled with CGI, may just see a cheap looking old movie. But when you consider when it was made, and how much they had to make it, it's rather impressive! And that, for me, is where alot of the fun lies. I can't resist wondering exactly how they pulled off each bloody effect. Some are obvious, some, not so much. It's really fun. I suggest Bad Taste if it's your kind of movie. It's really not for everyone. Some may be turned off by the extreme gross factor, and others may simply be unable to appreciate it. But for those who can, ther's a bloody good time to be had.

Django Unchained

  Hot damn. Quentin Tarantino has done it again. He's crafted a popcorn movie that sizzles with passion and raw entertainment, but this time also has some emotional heft to it. People hate slavery, and they love heroes with a cause, and what better than to have a black hero freed from slavery to get back at his oppressors and save his wife from a cruel plantation owner? Now that... is a movie.

  I've been looking forward to Django Unchained on principle alone since it was announced. A Tarantino western? Hell yes. And even with sky high expectations, I was NOT disappointed. The movie has a special energy to it. It's electrifying, and fundamentally entertaining. Also before I get any further into the review, I want to address the use of the word "nigger". Well, mainly I want to address people bitching about it. Okay, grow up. Seriously. It's the racist south. In slavery days. What did you expect them to call black people? African Americans? Right... cause that's totally plausible. And, bitching about the violence? It's a QT movie. Seriously. Anyways...

  'Satisfying' is the word I'm looking for. Django is a satisfying movie. It's a big action packed western with a good solid hero and he has incredible on screen presence. You instantly root for this guy. For a hero to be so instantly endeared to the audience is rare. Foxx doesn't betray this either. His performance is spot on. He provides a sympathetic character who can dole out fantastic lines and kick all kinds of ass.  His bounty hunting partner, played by Christophe Waltz is awesome as always. I think it's impossible not to like this guy. In any movie. Hero or villain. He provides many a laugh in the movie. But it's well done. Did you expect anything less from QT? The movie definitely has it's fair share of laugh out loud humor, and it's well placed. In a pretty bloody movie, dealing with such a grim subject, humor is definitely needed, and delivered.

  So, pretty much Django is a superhero. But not in the flashy boots, mask, and cape sense. In the sense that he's an unstoppable force in this movie. He blazes through the flick, wasting bad guys, escaping from tight spots, getting into massively bloody shootouts and basically being amazing. Instead of being silly, it's just super damn fun to watch. With a sizzling soundtrack, and trademark QT dialog (which isn't his best, but still really damn good. Not great. But really damn good.) Django Unchained is a must see. Some may not be able to stomach it, but I'm not going to withhold my full on recommendation on account of the bluntness of the movie. Both in violence and reality.

  These are just first thoughts. I may have more to say about it when it's not 7:30 in the morning. Yikes. Oh. And the original Django, Franco Nero, has a cameo. Sweet. I'm so proud that I caught it. Now I want to go watch the very original flick. I think I might just do that. Tomorrow of course. Or... later? Whatever. Great movie. All around. See it.

Triple Feature

  Nothing quite like this movie. The closest I can come is to say... it's like... Evil Dead 2 meets Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. And even that doesn't come close enough. It's impossible to spoil this movie for anyone. Not because it's so good they'll like it regardless, but telling anyone ANYTHING about what's in the movie is not going to make ANY kind of sense unless they've sat through it themselves. Much like the also awesome Detention, John Dies' is simply off the wall. It's protagonists are incredibly likable too. So it's fun to watch them trip through alternate dimensions, get high on reality-bending drugs, fight evil creatures, and save the universe. It's a fantastically warped, hilarious, scary, and gory adventure of a movie that crackles with a unique energy all it's own.
--

  Headhunters is a fantastic thriller that will keep catching you off guard and surprising you throughout. I don't feel much like dwelling on the fact it's a foreign movie. I think people get hung up on that. I saw a man at a local video rental store get pissed off because the movie he was going to rent was foreign. Wh... I detest that logic. If you can even call it that. Headhunters is akin to The Fugitive, paired with the kinetic energy of The Bourne Identity, but with an angle all it's own. I've seen it twice, and both times it's just as thrilling. It has a bit of pacing issues that are much more apparent upon a second viewing, but it's so engaging and mysterious to keep me coming back for more. The intensity of this movie is palpable, and it's edge of your seat, visceral thrills are amazing. Thrills that are quite in fact, scarce in most Hollywood thrillers being churned out these days. Not one to miss.
--

  Pontypool is an excellent horror movie with none of the usual cliches that accompany them. I have less to say about this one than the others because saying just one little thing, can be too much and that can spoil it. Pontypool is a blazing work of creepy originality. It has personality, and is truly unnerving. It plays with horror conventions and turns em on their ear, and in the process gives us a true treat of a movie. Some may say it has pacing issues. I however disagree, it has set the pace it means to. I really recommend it!

Skyfall

  Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a pretty good James Bond fan.  I can list all the actors who ever played 007. Including David Niven and the guy who played Jimmy Bond in the black and white TV movie before Dr.No was ever made. I'd say I'm a fan.  I've not seen all the Bond movies, but I've seen at least one from each guy and I've seen enough to know Connery and Craig are the best. Hands down.

(my opinion, maybe not yours, but at least you'll see where this review is coming from)

  I love classic 007.  The classiness of it, even when being provocative there was a subtle sophistication to it.  Not to mention there were things you looked forward to seeing, the banter between Bond and Moneypenny, his exchanges with M. So on and so forth.  People keep saying the huge changeover was when Craig took up the mantle in 2006 with the fantastic Casino Royale. However I think the first big change, to me, was Brosnan's debut with Goldeneye.  Almost any Bond fan, hardcore or casual will tell you that Goldeneye is in their top five 007 movies ever.  It also marks the debut of Judi Dench as the eponymous 'M'.  Brosnan's stint as Bond started out really strong, but quickly descended into levels of camp even the Roger Moore movies never reached.  Bond tropes became Bond cliche's.  The whole franchise was tired and groaning at it's own in-jokes so much so that the final Brosnan movie felt like a big joke itself.

  Why am I bringing all this up again when reviews covered the same stuff with the past two Daniel Craig 007 outings? Because I believe Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace started by changed things for the better, but Skyfall sealed the deal in a big way.  But as a character and as a franchise Bond is essentially and finally, reset in a way I don't think many saw coming. And it's very, very welcome.  Casino Royale showed us that Bond is a human being, as if it was showing that everyone's favorite womanizing, martini sipping, super spy had actual feelings and a dark side as well.  It also showed that a Bond movie can be gritty and intense and literally violent and still be a damn good Bond movie. And that IS what it is.  At it's core, Casino Royale is possibly truer to what 007 was meant to be than more than seventy percent of the movies before it. And I'm being generous with that figure as I personally would love to say ninety percent.

  Quantum of Solace was a drastic mistep. It's not a horrible movie, and far from the worst in the franchise, FAR, but it pales in comparison to it's immediate predecessor. I won't go too much into it as the most notable thing that can be said about it is that it wraps up the Vesper Lynd story explored through the previous movie.  'Solace was merely wrapping up Casino Royale, but did so in a pretty underwhelming way.  Due in no small part I'm guessing to that nasty writer's strike. Oh well. Moving right along.

After that, Bond's future as a film franchise was thrown into jeopardy with the financial uncertainty of MGM's own future as well.  After a very long wait for fans and casual audiences alike,  Skyfall was finally announced as MGM got back on solid footing.  Everyone was wondering whether this would be the nail in the coffin for Craig's stint as Commander Bond.  After Quantum of Solace... that wouldn't be too hard.  It wouldn't have been all that difficult to convince audiences that Casino Royale was lightning in a bottle and lightning doesn't strike the same place twice. All that. All it would've taken was another mistep...

  Getting to it finally, I'm telling you that's not the case with this one.  Skyfall is a return to form on SO many levels.  Firstly it shows that Daniel Craig is still amazing as James Bond and that in some meta way as Bond himself is recovering from a life altering skirmish in the thrilling opening sequence that left him to be declared dead as he quietly disappeared into the background of things, Daniel Craig is slipping back into a proper Bond movie after the unfortunate slip up with Quantum of Solace. Bond is finding his rhythm again. And it's so fun to watch.  You can't judge a Bond movie entirely on action sequences, beautiful women and exotic locale alone.  If that was the case... Quantum of Solace might have been hailed as the best bond movie ever. But seeing as how it's not the case entirely, you need things like character development and a good story and all these kinds of things.  Skyfall does this well. Right away it hands Bond with a whole heap of issues to deal with. Being dead. Feeling betrayed. And even more than that, it deals with the notion of getting old.  Is something no longer useful as it becomes 'outdated'? These themes are important and are obviously at the core of the movie.

  It's wonderful watching the movie explore these things, and it does so quite well, especially with the villain and the story behind him as well.  He may be a bit too broad for my tastes, and the fact there's not even a simply nod that he's connected to the terrorist organization the past two movies spent so much time setting up is rather disappointing. But oh well.  Javier Bardem is simply awesome as the bad guy.  It's a good Bond villain. Not a great one. Because some things were slightly mishandled with him overall, but he's super fun to watch.  He's chewing the scenery quite well and when necessary reminds the audience that behind his joking demeanor is a truly menacing and scary individual. Him and Bond make great rivals.  And actually, despite the movie's grim subject matter, it manages to be great popcorn fun.  It has a good helping of one liners, but it knows when to dispense one properly.  It never forsakes a truly dramatic moment for the sake of a cheap chuckle. Something Bond movies had gotten comfortable doing in the past.

  This movie also delves into Bond's relationship with M. It's pretty damn close to mother and son, but there's also this professional detachment they try to keep up even though it's very clear they care deeply for each other. In many ways, this film serves as a vehicle to finally finish passing the torch from previous generations to this very new and bold one.  And at the same time, while wrapping up the past, both literally and in the story itself, the movie injects a bit of classic 007 into the fold. It's embracing the truly classic nature of Bond. Harkening back to the Connery era. This is gold, and it's so amazingly fun to watch. The grin on my face could not be shaken once they started this infusion.  And it merges so surprisingly well with the gutsy action scenes and quickfire pacing of the Craig movies. 

  This movie isn't perfect. It has issues with certain peripheral characters, who honestly didn't need to be peripheral at all.  Some of the actors in these roles are forgettable just the same. Which is sad considering one of them is the latest Bond girl. She's entirely forgettable and not a second thought is paid to her once she's summarily taken out of the movie altogether. Eva Green and the lady from Quantum of Solace were far better at this. (Yes, I'm lazy. I just avoided Googling her hard to spell name. So what.) Better actresses too. It's far from perfect, clearly. But it's so damn good all the same!  And when it ends you have this good feeling about where the franchise is going.  And it's open to so many directions. Bond's arc as introducing him to the 007 franchise, as well as reinventing it is finally complete. It is it's own beast now, and it acomplishes a part of this by bringing classic tropes into the fold in a well moderated and surprisingly effect way. It's completely thrilling. I left feeling like I had seen a truely well made and exciting James Bond movie. It was a great time at the movies and I really recommend it.

Demons

  We all have seen countless zombie movies. Dozens. We've seen fresh takes on the concept, over and over. And lest we forget the truly creative ones like Evil Dead II...
But every once in a while it doesn't hurt to try something that manages to be quite fun and creative in it's own right, even if it isn't mind blowing like some of the others.  If anything exceptional can be said about Demons, is that with the aged retro feeling, the raw nostalgia, it trumps glossy hollywood money machines like Resident Evil.  There was almost an art to making gory, jump scare movies back then.  It in itself was creative.  The method to the madness nowadays is all but gone. So is the passion. It's all about the money. Only... about the money.

  Demons has a diverse group of randomly invited people attending the nighttime grand opening of a movie theater in this castle-looking building in the city (I believe it was set in Berlin).  Not one single thing about it isn't dripping with eerieness.  Of course though, something goes wrong and before you know it everyone is trapped in the theater with people being turned into flesh eating zombies. Possesed or something I believe.  It's pretty standard fare mostly. However, plenty of the characters manage to have enough personality to be quite entertaining to watch. Our main quartet though is as cliche as they come. Their saving grace which endeared them to me as the viewer is how they manage to be like and remind me of a bevy of teenage horror heroes and heroines. Scared shitless throughout, but with enough spunk and guts to pull through and throw down.  Intentional or not, it comes across like a slight character homage. It works I suppose.

  The movie may not seem so fresh and original at first, and to be honest, at first, it isn't. But it is done exceedingly competently that it manages to be surprisingly watchable. The gore is a-plentiful and properly icky. People are bitten and ripped apart, and their transformation from person to zombie-thing (they aren't entirely zombies see...? Yeah me neither.) is pretty damn gross. It was a blast to watch.  Also isn't it kinda foreboding to be cocky in a movie like this? Has saying "THESE THINGS WILL NEVER KILL ME!" EVER turned out well for said character in a movie like this? Isn't it kind of begging for filmmakers to inject a bit of irony?  Fear not B-movie mongers, Demons has it's moment of Oh so 'clever' irony. Good job guys. That must've been real difficult yeah?

  I'm not trying to bash this movie. Really. I'm trying, if anything, to get across how damn fun it was.  Anywho. After the halfway mark, shit does indeed get crazy and then especially so towards the end.  The climax is just... awesome. The hero gets ahold of a motorcycle and a samurai sword... and through the halls and aisles of the blood stained movie theater, he rides around chopping zombies to pieces while 80's synth pop music plays awesomely.
You gotta see it to appeciate it...  and appreciate it I did. Warning though... there is a real sick twist right at the end though. And having read this, when you see the movie, you think you'll know what I'm talking about when you see a certain part at the end... but don't unpucker til the credits roll. You'll have seen it by then. It may or may not ruin the whole movie for you. It irked the hell out of me, but I still like the movie. I think it's totally fun. I recommend it entirely.

Class of Nuke 'Em High

  Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a penchant for really bad movies.  This doesn't mean I consider these movies quality cinema, or look for non-existent deep meaning in them. It simply means that gimme something quirky, violent and slimy and I'll be capable of really enjoying it. Class of Nuke 'Em High is one such movie.  It can ocassionally commit the 'bad movie' cardinal sin, which takes it from bad to awful, by simply being boring...
However, this classic Troma gem makes up for it's short stretches of mundane stuff with plenty of outrageous stuff you won't be likely to soon forget.

  The plot focuses around the misadventures of a group of teens who go to a high school which is right next door to a nuclear power plant. This is full of craziness obviously. And clearly the plant is run by idiots. Idiots. But then again, such idiots provide plenty of comic relief. Though it does jack shit for plausibility. Seriously.  There's not much to really say about this movie without addressing Troma films in general.

  They're all low budget schock fests. The comedy in them is always baseline juvenille. You won't find a more wretched hive of scum and fart jokes anywhere in the galaxy.  Seriously.  They're not mature or even intelligent. It appeals to the nasty semi-pervy sense of humor we all develop as teenagers, while also pandering to the inner kid with crazy monsters and lazers and stuff. But at the same time, the gore and nudity ensure that these are adult only outings. Or at least... supposed to be.

  Anyways, in THIS Troma flick, something toxic oozes out of the power plant contaminating the school's water supply.  It turns the honor society into punkish thugs that wouldn't look out of place in a Mad Max sequel and does horrible things to various students and teachers alike.  Our intrepid group of heroes however seem content to repeat "Something strange is going on!" like a mantra from a bad b-movie. (Oh wait...)

  Anyways, it has it's laggy moments of typical high school bullcrap, but eventually some nuclear weed shows up pushing the plot along which subsequently gives us some really cool scenes.  If there is one thing they don't skimp on budget-wise, is gore and such.  A man's fist is crammed into a man's mouth...and down his throat. This is actually a highlight of the movie. If you aren't here to get grossed out and laugh at shit for an hour and a half... why the heck are you here?

  Our heroes are nothing to write home about for the first half of the movie, but then it hits it's stride. Getting comfortable with the weirdest crap ever, our two protagonists excel in how they react to it. The fainting, the screaming, all of it is played with a spot on sense of comedic timing. Especially Janelle Brady. She's just a blast to watch. Sadly, but expectedly, none of the characters ever rise above 80's teen movie archetypes. But thankfully they are likeable enough.

  Also, there is this really cool monster at the end which looks friggin amazing. He looks so cool. It alone is worth seeing the movie for. Clearly 90% of their budget went into making this monster look badass. He's green, and scary, and obviously animatronics, but THAT is my point! He's animatronics! Not just a rubber mask! And it looks so cool, seriously!

  In closing, I have to say this movie is ocassionally boring, and frequently cliche, but, it's really really fun when it hits it's stride. It's gory, slimy, funny and stupid. If that sounds fun to you, go for it. I certainly don't regret it.

Fortress

  Seeing as how I'm a big Christopher Lambert fan from movies like The Hunted, Mortal Kombat, and, of course... Highlander, I'll pretty much get excited over anything with him in it.  More often then not though, I am rather let down.  For a man who's frequently been in the 'A list' he seems to star in enough bombs to knock him back into relative obscurity.  However, there shouldn't be anything obscure about Fortress. Thankfully, with it's slick combination of sci-fi trappings, stylized action, and gadgets galore, Fortress is a hi-tech thriller that doesn't disappoint. The prison escape genre is rarely this much fun.

OldBoy

  No stranger to asian cinema, I certainly cut my teeth on I Saw The Devil, which was amazing in it's own right, but Oldboy definitely stands apart from the crowd as a very brutal and disturbing mystery of a much higher caliber.  The synopsis alone is striking. It's about a man who's locked up and kept prisoner in a private jail for 15 years... without ever being told why. Then, without warning, released. Thus he begins a bloody search for answers that will lead him down a terrible and mysterious path. The results of which will haunt him forever.

  It's not a lightweight movie obviously. It gets progressively disturbing. But it's also impossible to look away. The movie's mystery hooks you with it's atmosphere and raw energy as this man step by step discovers that he's in a game. Someone's sick game. They're playing with him, pushing him to the brink of insanity. An argument could be made he's there already.  Which is the big appeal of this film to me personally. Despite being a big mystery thriller, it's a character drama first and foremost that deals with big themes of trust, loyalty, and most importantly of all... revenge.

   It uses symbolism as much as it does clever and creative camera tricks and angles to bring out and highlight the emotional undertones in each scene. For example, when the main character finds his way into a sushi bar, and orders a live octopus to eat raw... and watching him just bite into this living creature, it seemed like a perfect expression of his anger and frustration.

  The movie is full of unexpected scenes, ranging from shockingly violent, to surprisingly touching. It balanced all it's various tones with ease and expertise.  As the mystery slowly unfolds, you find yourself increasingly engaged, with each new twist and turn, it pulls you in farther. And as everything is revealed, piece by piece, we see the main character go through crazy things, and witness his desperate and often violent behavior.  Its quite stunning to be honest.  Everything from the music, to the framing of each shot, it all heightens the tension and the overall mood. It's an incredibly atmospheric film that also manages to use voice overs to a surprisingly effective degree. Which is pretty rare.

  The end is quite shocking, and the movie is an amazing tale about vengeance and how it can destroy lives. Some may hate the twist, but if you really think about it, there is  no other way to end it which would justify the story. It was perfectly twisted. And it will make or break your opinion of the movie. I for one loved it. As it often escapes words for me, and I'm tip toeing around the meat of what I'd normally review because once you know too much about Oldboy, it will ruin it for you. Let the premise grip you and watch it.

   Not enough movies nowadays provoke their audiences, or even evoke strong emotions. If you hate it, then so be it. If you love it, awesome. But you should see it if it has snagged your intrest. The hype isn't for nothing. It's pretty powerful. Whether you'll like how it gets there, is another story entirely. But it's akin to modern mythology and in broad strokes has the feeling of an old greek fable about revenge.  I loved it.

Dredd

  Realizing Dredd came out today, this effectively ended my posted hiatus. Being a massive fan of the British comic character, I couldn't resist catching the first possible showing of this today. It was a great decision. Many people are still recovering from 1995's Stallone action vehicle Judge Dredd.  However, it was panned by critics, despised by fans, and even failed to impress standard movie goers.  It made it's protagonist, the classic Judge Dredd, into a cartoonishly over the top (and embarassingly clad) super-cop. With massive eagle shoulder pads, and a large metal crotch protector, the coolest part (and arguable only cool part) of his ensemble was his helmet. And he only had that on for about five minutes of the movie. Which pissed off alot of fans. Let me begin the rest of the review by saying... this time, it's true...
Urban never takes off the helmet.

  This movie is sadly compared endlessly to others like Die hard or The Raid because of it's familiar plot and theme, about a skyscraper full of bad guys and only one or two good guys to fight em all.  However Dredd is it's own beast, managing to be creative and original enough to not feel like either of those movies.
From his cool looking uniform to his awesome gun, Judge Dredd shines as a character here. His methods are cold, violent, and brutal. A far cry from the cartoonishly hokey Stallone iteration.  Some may argue the movie is too violent, but I beg to differ. I think it's perfect. Spot on.  The gore and violence is over the top, but that's precisely where I want it. With so many properties being toned down, it's time we got a seriously brutal action flick.  Aside from The Raid of course... and not to mention this is how Dredd always was in the comics.  Heads explode, necks are broken, blood sprays across the screen, people are gunned down left and right... it's a bloodbath. But never dipping into extreme overkill.

  Sometimes a director finds a gimmick and exploits the hell out of it at every possible opportunity. In this case that would've been the high from a new street drug called 'Slo-mo'.  Which does quite what you might expect, it turns things into a big, vibrantly colored, slow motion, visual eye-feast from.  Colors pop and things are hyper-detailed.   It only makes sense for them to have a shootout or two while someone is tripping on Slo-Mo, that's prime for some awesome visuals. And ideed it is! It looks amazing as faces and body parts ripple and explode with splashes of bright red blood all in slow motion. It highlights, quite literally, the gruesomeness of being on the other end of Dredd's gun. Brutal.  However, the director uses this gimmick sparingly and effectively. The drug is a story point and not something gratuitously added for the sake of it's special effects. Well done guys.

  Speaking of the cast and characters, Dredd is stone cold badass. He uses just about every kind of possible ammo mode for the lawgiver. Hi-ex, rapid fire, incendiary, hotshot, and silencer mode. Also, he's a bamf even in hand to hand combat, which is just as brutal as the shootouts. Often with flinch worthy results.  You can see his outlook and tone through his violence and attitude, this is absolutely the Dredd from the comics.  And Karl Urban plays him more perfectly than I could've ever imagined. The rookie he's training over the course of a day, Rookie Anderson, is played with charm and a sympathetic twist by Olivia Thrilby.  Did I mention she's a telepath? Speaking of which, Anderson's telepathy is put to great use here. Very clever and fun to watch how she uses it. She's definitely a highlight of the movie. And a sequel wouldn't be as fun without her. Or at least, my hopes would be dashed a bit. She's a sidekick for Dredd that functions within the story, and she's a human anchor to his cold and brutal methods. She's not comic relief like the horrendous Rob Schneider was. *shudder*

  I think the antagonist, Ma Ma, (Lena Headey) has all the ingredients to be a great villain, even in the comics, and Lena Headey does a great job here... but I felt like her character should've had more to her. She seems like nothing we haven't seen before and she doesn't get an opportunity to get her hands dirty personally. Her henchmen also lack the gravitas and onscreen presence that you might've seen in The Raid from a villain like Mad Dog. In short, she's effective and gives off a sense of power and intelligence, but she hardly gets the screentime to do something TRULY memorable.  There could've been more dark humor, akin to the comics, but I think they wanted to stay in safe waters, far away the massive one liner that was Danny Cannon's Judge Dredd. Which feels much like a bad joke next to this one. However bad you thought it was before this movie, it'll seem a hundred times worse afterwards.

  In some small ways, this movie might leave hardcore fans wanting a little. I can imagine serious fans would say... "Mega City One still doesn't look like it's supposed to", or "the Lawmaster looks retarded", or stuff like that. But to be honest, when they've nailed the character and tone, the rest is irrelevant nitpicks. Also, it might be disheartening that alot of the wilder aspects of Judge Dredd from the comics, are absent here.  The mutants, the cursed earth, all that stuff is merely mentioned and not explored. But this movie serves as a decent starting point, a good set up for stuff to come.  And they don't do anything actually wrong with the property, instead they gave us a bare bones, hard hitting, cop story. Which is okay. It's better to start small, and hit big, and get a solid handle on the character and world before delving into stuff that audiences may not respond well to.  It's good that they have been exposed (or re-exposed) to a proper Judge Dredd flick before the franchise (let's hope, yeah?) takes a wilder, stronger sci-fi turn.

  All in all... the verdict on this gritty and violent reboot?
For fans it should be mandatory viewing.  Everyone else? I urge you to give it a chance. It's a slick, bloody, and polished ride. Not to be missed.