Nemesis

  This is one of those movies I always saw on the shelf at the video rental store as a kid, and in pretty much any place that sold secondhand VHS tapes. (Usually along with Split Second and Leviathan) The cover art is really eye-catching, but then again a LOT of shitty movies have eye-catching cover art. (i.e. Crime Zone) I mean, there are whole websites devoted to that phenomenon. I love it. Unfortunately, the fact remains that usually, the movie itself... is still actually shitty. Amazingly, this is one of the few that defies that idea. The cover is every bit as awesome as the movie inside! (see: Guyver 2, and again, Split Second) Just how did this escape the cool cover/shity movie curse? Read on to find out why I dug this archaic macho fest.

  Firstly, this movie had every reason to outright suck. Not your average suck either mind you, a full-on, mind numbing, lip biting, god-awful suck. The kind of movie that leaves you feeling like you're wasting your life, and you end up in a ball, crying an- no...? That doesn't happen to you? Well you don't watch enough shitty movies. Good for you. This movie was directed by Albert Pyun, who's resume is populated with movies like... Cyborg, and Captain America. (Not the one with Chris Evans, no... he made this one. Yeah...) So, right off the bat, not inspiring a lot of faith. Secondly, the cast is nothing remarkable. (Save for a young Thomas Jane in what's not even really a cameo.) Then the story... a bunch of cyborgs in the future are trying to take over mankind. Wow... never heard anything like that before. Seriously dudes. Wow.

  However, this is where it gets interesting, and even as a compliment, I use that phrase lightly. The movie's moment to moment plot makes only the tenuous sense. So instead of focusing on plot, they just blow things up. With style. Like, holy shit. This movie spend 90% of it's budgets on guns and pyrotechnics. That's not a bad thing either! I've always said that the worst crime a B movie can commit, is to be boring. This movie flirts with the line for about five minutes, when you wonder if they blew all their budget on the opening shootout and chase scene. Fear not. The movie picks up right away. Some of the action scenes are pretty creative too. Not gonna lie, sometimes the acting is shoddy as hell, but the inventive action and general fun make up for it. There's not much to hate about Nemesis. It does the best it can with what it has.

  Problems come in when you expect something from it, that it never would've had to begin with. It's a B movie, which usually means set your expectations to 0. Unless the movie is so mercilessly boring you wanna rip your eyes out, you shouldn't be that disappointed. Nemesis is just a stupid action movie. The plot falls apart if you inspect it too closely, if you can even piece together enough to inspect that is. Basically, there are good cyborgs and bad cyborgs and the bad ones are bad. So the good ones need the help of a half human dude to stop them. Because he's "the best". After so long you stop arguing with the movie and accept that guy is Dirty Harry, John Mclane, and the Terminator all in one.

  Each shootout eclipses the last, with at least one unique little angle or scene in it. It's so much fun to watch our protagonists find new ways to kill, escape, and blow stuff up. Most of the movie is just a continual chase, only stopping for the utmost necessary exposition. I can't adequately explain how cool this flick ends up being. Despite being a mess even. It's just super cool. There is enough good in it, to make it really neat. The main character has moments of true badassery, and he carried this movie well. The only other actors of note is this girl who shows up halfway through, she's probably the best actress in the whole movie. She's convincing and realistic, which almost seems silly in a world populated by random explosions and cyborgs, but she plays her part with conviction and gusto. Lastly, the villain has some pretty cruel moments and overall he's pretty cool.

  Thus the movie in a nutshell. Shooting, big guns, robots, boobs, explosions, and more guns. If that sounds like a reasonably fun cinematic wish list to you, be sure to check this one out. It's already a guilty pleasure in my book.