Necropolis

  I had watched Necropolis a couple weeks ago and entirely forgot to review it. I don't review every movie I watch, but when there's a demonic witch lady with six boobs, breastfeeding zombies... you tend to wanna talk about it. The plot was fuzzy in my memory, but revisiting the movie for the sake of reviewing it didn't much help matters. There's a witch who can steal people's bodies, and she got killed or something a long time ago and now she's exacting revenge on the reincarnated versions of the people who killed her- all in modern day New York City. I think that's the gist of it. Or something. I don't know.

  IMDb helped to clarify a bit. She was a witch in the 1600's who's seeking to revive her cult members by sucking the life force out of people and feeding it to them. Okay. Not that the clarification helps much, the plot is meandering and the story is entirely inconsequential. The cast is largely obnoxious and whenever the witch isn't on screen, not much really happens. There's a stupid romance subplot that ends up taking center stage for most of the movie because they didn't have much else to fill it with. Oh, and there's no actual city of the dead here. Bummer. It's just some undead dudes who're huddled around in this basement crypt area. If you wanna call that a city... be my guest?

  Having said all that, the movie isn't without merit for a specific crowd. If you're the kind of person who read the line about the witch with six boobs and already clicked off to try and find a copy of the movie, then for the most part you probably won't be disappointed. This movie is weird when it needs to be, thanks in no small part to the acting of LeeAnne Baker, who plays the witch. She has a real energy in the part and carries whatever scene she's in. She's not a great actress, but she's more than capable of making whatever she's doing believable and convincing. Which is more than I can say for anyone else in the movie.

  The movie almost entirely rests on her shoulders, and while she might not be the protagonist- she's definitely the main character. She uses her powers throughout the movie to seduce and/or brainwash people into giving up their souls and then killing them. These scenes usually employ little special effects, but they're just as effective regardless. The acting sells it. When special effects do pop up, they're very well handled. The whole six-tit thing was probably the highlight of the movie, just for sheer absurdity's sake. See, this movie isn't good by any stretch of the imagination, but it's gold for those all-nighter, weird movie loving insomniacs. For people looking for obscure weird crap, this is decent filler.

  It has a witch, who's decked out in punk rocker duds, with short bleached hair, who rides around on a motorcycle while catchy 80's synth pop plays. She can also grow four extra boobs. To feed zombies with em. She also has this devil ring thing that she burns people with to steal their life force or something. It's a mess. But that's exactly why it's appealing. I can't complain too much about this movie even though I'd totally be justified if I did- because it entertained me. It was a decent piece of dreck as far as weird bad old horror movies go.

  It could've been worse, and that's a big compliment. It could've been outright boring. The movie is peppered with non-boring scenes throughout (though maybe not nearly enough) and that (almost) makes up for all the rest of it. It's uneventful and often stupid, but if you're into that sorta thing... check it out if you can find a copy. I've seen worse, but this was decent background noise while I worked on some projects. Not a bad time, just not a great one either. The weird shit, like the six boob thing and the satanic imagery save it from being completely mediocre, so hey. Whatever.