Thursday, February 4, 2016

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse


   Believe it or friggin' not, but Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse actually takes it's time to get going. I mean, prologue scene aside. It's actually kinda slow for the first hour or so. I was beginning to feel like I dropped $20 on the wrong movie and that I probably shouldn't blind-buy anymore. I'm not saying it's a total bore for the first hour, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed watching Tye Sheridan's character- Ben, and eventually Sarah Dumont's badass cocktail waitress, Denise. Yet, things don't really get cooking until well past the hour mark. Which is kind of a long freakin' wait for a movie that was advertised as a non-stop, gross-out, splatterfest- with boobs.

  I did end up enjoying the hell out of Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, but it really does take too long to hit it's stride. I'm thankful it's funny and gory once it does though. After the pretty phenomenal Deathgasm, I was in the mood for more over-the-top gore and such. So I swung by Wal-Mart and plunked down $20 on this flick. I remembered the red band trailer from ages ago and the imagery stuck in my head so I figured, why the hell not? I am glad I bought it, because the last 45 minutes is pretty great, and overall it's a fun movie, but... there's a but. That's the problem. There shouldn't be a 'but...', but there is a but. A few in point of fact...

   But, it drags for a while. But, I don't really want to talk about all the pointless teenage drama that goes on in the movie. But, I don't really care about 2/3rds of the characters in the movie. But, it's literally impossible to write a dumber character than this asshat, Carter. This is all stuff that dragged the movie down for me. I won't deny that once it gets going, it's a hell of a time and a lot of fun, but it's like a slightly second rate Zombieland. I wanted to like it a lot more, and while I like it a lot, I feel like it could've been better, and thus more deserving of being liked more. But... it's not. Tye Sheridan plays Ben, one of the only characters in the movie who uses his brain- him, and Denise. So, yeah, they're fun to watch. Ben's friends... not so much.

  Carter is the girl-crazy idiot who's literally written too stupid to be funny. Then there's Augie, the innocent fat one. He's like, way too innocent to be sympathetic. I was dying for this kid to get a brutal wake up call. E-fucking-ventually the characters get with the damn program and start functioning like human beings instead of the comedic equivalent of crash dummies. When that finally happens the humor flows more naturally and there's plenty of cool scenes to enjoy. For example, a scene where Augie comes face to face with a zombie wearing a Britney Spears t-shirt and manages to distract it by getting it to (somewhat) sing along to 'hit me baby one more time'. That was hilarious, and the first couple acts of the movie could've used more stuff like that.

  I don't know how it happened but I wound up getting really invested in Ben and Denise as characters. Both Tye Sheridan and Sarah Dumont breathe a lot of life into their characters and they're a lot of fun to watch. They have chemistry that's pretty electric onscreen. I'm actually pretty remiss that Ben's love interest was a girl who barely gets four minutes of screentime, instead of them just sticking Denise and Ben together as an ill-fated awkward couple who's 'thing' could never work out. Sheridan might only be 19 and Dumont is 29, but she's that awesome older chick that all the guys have a crush on. At the end she could've given him some tried and true speech about how it simply couldn't work out, kissed him, and rode off on her motorcycle into the sunset.

   Anyone remember Squints from The Sandlot? He made out alright. I dunno, I just feel like it would've made more sense thematically, not that I'm complaining about what they did do- but still. I think it would've been a bit cooler that way. Anyways, the movie does end up getting really creative, pulling out all the stops for it's appropriately balls-to-the-wall climax that plays like a love letter to Peter Jackson's Braindead and Capcom's Dead Rising all at once. It's gloriously gory and a blast to watch. The movie had a solid bunch of really funny moments throughout to warrant re-watches and keep it on hand as a party movie. I think it'd make a killer double feature with either Zombieland or Deathgasm, or maybe the middle movie in a triple feature of all three.

  It's silly, juvenile and frequently stupid, but it's all in good fun. Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse is not meant to be taken seriously in the slightest, and despite a slow start, the movie ends up being buckets of fun. If you like gross-out humor and dick jokes with your zombies and gore, you owe it to yourself to check this one out. You'll dig it. I for one am glad that I did not waste my $20. Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse is one Blu Ray I'm glad I've added to my collection.

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